what you give

I believe that with great success comes great responsibility. Responsibility to yourself to continue to grow, responsibility to your people to have an outstretched hand, responsibility to your earth to make conscious choices for it’s best interest. It can be challenging to recondition yourself to this way of being, because we begin our journey into being human with a very self centered persona. The me, me, look at me that we see in the babies and toddlers and kiddos for many of us gets carried along as part of our identity into adulthood. It’s really just us trying to meet a basic human need for significance, or meaning. I speak of “us” and “we”, but know here I am talking about me. So much of my early motivation was at the deepest, most honest level, me trying to prove myself. Trying to prove to some unknown someone that I was worthy. That I was smart, that I have a purpose.

In a deep moment of introspection and awareness, it became very clear to me that there is no magic “purpose” for me. My job is to bring purpose to everything I do. To create a purpose in my business beyond capitalism. To remain in touch with this truth, and to use my voice and my blessings to continue to help change the world. One word, one interaction, one person at a time.

back in the light

I went dark. A series of life challenges came at me hard, and I went into self protect mode. Hibernation. I am just so grateful for the work I have done up until this point in my life. The life lessons, like you are not in control, you can’t ever get in someone else’s head, things happen- good, bad that’s all how we define it.

I know that if I close up and stop trusting, it counteracts every fiber of my true being. Life happens. Stuff is hard. You will be presented with lessons again and again, until you get it. Then there may be a moment of peace, and then it starts again. The only thing I or anyone can control is themselves. That’s a hard lesson. One I keep learning.

the revolving door

One of the lessons that I have learned in my years in business is that what got you to where you are will not get you to where you want to go. There are multiple facets to this, from your mindset, to your actions, to the people you have working with you. In all organizations there is a revolving door, people come, people go. This is inevitable and part of the cycle of business, yet I didn’t always think this was the way it was.

I remember in the early days of my leadership, when I had just begun to open my mind to the idea of growing my business beyond my threshold of control. We had a group of people, my “A team”, as I referred to them, that were managing our one location. I began the process of intentionally meeting with them on a weekly basis. These 5 people, along with my husband James, were my inner circle. This was a big growth phase for me as a leader, because these weekly meetings gave me the incentive to identify and clarify what the keys to our success were thus far. We became very close and grew together as we troubleshooted and planned the growth of our business from 1 location to 3. This phase of our growth was dominated by innovation and improving what we were doing, as well as how to duplicate our standards as we grew.

What is curious though is that only one of those 5 people are with us in our organization now. They were with us at the precise moments in our growth that they were supposed to be, but gradually they most moved on to other opportunities. Some I was ready to see move on, because we had reached the limit of where I could help them grow, but some were very hard to say goodbye to. It was sometimes very difficult to have someone move on and not take it personally. But what happened, though it is only clear to me now in retrospect, is that it opened the path for the next phase of our growth. The knowledge that people will always be moving in and out of our organization is now clear. The key is to ensure that the people coming in are operating at a higher level than those that are leaving, if the opposite is true there is a big problem.

By far the biggest change that had to happen to get me where I wanted to go was my mindset. Where did I want to go? I wanted to be able to grow my business, for many reasons, both selfish and not. Ego played its part, as well as wanting to increase my income, but the most compelling reasons where the ones that I needed to evolve into. This began when I realized that money and reputation were empty goals. I began to change my thinking, not intentionally at first, but as a progression as I realized that I wasn’t feeling the satisfaction and accomplishment I was seeking. A shift began inside me, a shift to wanting to serve more people, to give jobs, to help people grow, and this made the stresses and incredible time demands of operating a business worth it. The desire and excitement that I felt at the beginning of my business came back as I found a new and bigger reason to do what I do.

you never know

This could be your last day here on earth. It could be the last time you speak to someone you love, the last time you give a hug and say have a good day, the last lunch you pack. You may be lucky/unlucky enough to get a warning in the form of a diagnosis or an illness, but you may not. You could get hit by a car, choke on your sandwich, struck down by an aneurysm or a heart attack. We are all in the process of getting closer and closer to our exit from this existence. Let this be a reminder not to waste your precious time being angry at someone, to make that phone call, to say I love you, to give your gratitude and thanks. We are here in this form on a temporary basis, everything is always changing and moving closer to going back to the earth, us included.

What if we are here to fully enjoy and experience all that this physical world has to offer? What if we are not supposed to take everything so seriously and instead be joyful? What if you approached every day, every interaction, remembering this simple truth, that every moment is a gift.

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. – William Arthur Ward

people problems

The recurring theme that I keep hearing about when I talk to other business leaders is how difficult the people part of their business is. There is a common belief that employees, the hiring and retention of them, getting them to buy in and take ownership, and their performance and attitudes is the business owner or manager’s thorn. I’ll be the first one to admit that it can be challenging, but only if you stop learning and growing yourself as a leader. When I started in business the company had 3 employees. My husband James, me, and one dishwasher/jack of all trades named Martin. That was tough. We were solely dependent on Martin showing up for work, which he did with about 60% consistency unfortunately. In 1999 though, the economy was booming in our area, and we were rookies in the restaurant business, so had little time or knowledge on how to recruit more and better people. Now in 2017 there are more ways to hire and recruit than I can count on my fingers, and we have over 80 people working with us in our 4 restaurant locations to serve the guests that come in to see what we are about.

We have an amazing group of people working in our businesses, and there are 4 rules in the process of hiring, retaining and maintaining the culture in our business that we have set. These rules are really universal as you grow your number of employees.

1. Define your vision for your company, organization, or team. Even if you are not the owner, as a leader of people, even as few as one person, it is the most important job you have to be able to share a clear vision of what success looks like for the team, what your mission is, and what your beliefs are as far as the team’s potential.
2. Always be hiring. This means that you should always make room for people that come to you and want to be a part of what you are doing, but only after you have set the expectations with them during the interview process. Carry business cards and hand them out. Be excited about what you do, you attract who you are.
3. Set the expectations up front. The interview process is a sales opportunity. It is where you share your vision and what you are doing to work with your team and help them grow. It is the perfect opportunity to practice active listening with the people you are interviewing. More can be read between the words if you are focused on listening instead of formulating your response or thinking about the next question. Share with clarity exactly what constitutes a great team member.
4. Train and connect. Invest time and energy to train them as they are on-boarding, even if they are highly skilled. Even experts in their field will need training on the way you do things, your outlook, and how to uphold and grow the culture. The training NEVER stops. You have to have this mindset, and spend the time to connect with your people. You have to care about them as individuals, as whole people who have lives outside of work. There is no shortcut to this most important step. Invest in your team, they are more important than your clients.

In my early leadership days I had a much different outlook on people. I have needed to evolve and grow and learn more about myself in order to be able to grow my company. I used to hire out of desperation, anxious to get anyone in there to help me with my heavy load of responsibilities. I thought the people I hired would know without saying what was important. I was so motivated by having people like me that I rarely asked them to do things. I avoided conflicts, and wanted to always keep the peace. I couldn’t understand how some people wouldn’t get along. When someone left the company, I took it personally, thinking they didn’t like me.

As time progressed, I began to listen to outside voices. One of the voices was from someone with a very fear based mindset. They were more educated and successful (it appeared) than I was, and in a position of authority that I respected. Their belief was that your employees are your enemy. I tried on this outlook for a time, but it did not feel right to me. If you live from a place of distrust, you are living in fear, and will attract situations that prove you are right to distrust. I say it again, you attract WHO YOU ARE, not what you say.

Leadership is a journey, a process, and entails the important job of working on yourself. The more you know about yourself and understand your own beliefs, the more you can grow as a leader. The secret to creating a positive, growth minded, servant leader culture begins with you. What are you doing every day to build on your strengths?

frenzy

fren·zy
noun
  1. a state or period of uncontrolled excitement or wild behavior.
It can be hard not to get caught up in it.  We have such a strong instinct to fit in and be like everyone around us that when we see everyone standing in line to get the newest iphone or the last cabbage patch doll or at that hot new restaurant and we don’t want to miss out.    Sharks go into feeding frenzies, and the situation at the mall or Target or on the roads today may be the same.  The search for the perfect gift that is thoughtful and in your budget, that will show the special someones in your life that you are thinking of them can cause the most stoic of individuals to break out into hives.  Trust me, I am speaking from experience.
As we head into the last day, the last hours before the stillness of a national holiday descends, I am reminded that the urge to spend, to shop, to buy, is made more urgent by not only the media, but by our collective energy.   I am doing my part to remain calm and not get pulled into the frenzy.  The compounding self induced stress of getting the right gift or creating the perfect holiday is just that, self induced.  The best gift is not at the mall or online or even at the jewelry store, it is right inside you.  It is the gift of your presence, your undivided attention and love, of unconditional acceptance.  Practice giving that.

growing up

Looking at the tiny humans that are the children I am reminded that we all still have those little beings deep inside us. We think we have grown up, we get jobs, have kids, get married, buy cars, go into debt, we do all sorts of “grown up” things that are the markers of being an adult. Yet deep inside we are the same souls. We have grown older, into bigger bodies, but the “Me” is still the same. We still carry the same needs, for attention, for love, for acceptance. Somehow we have been conditioned into believing that when you Grow Up, you leave those things behind. Grown Ups are mature, they are responsible, they know better, but the events that shaped our childhood are the molds that we grow into. We still crave the love and attention, we still get scared, we still get cranky, and we still need to play. I love to be with babies and young kids, because they remind me time and time again that we are all like little children, just trading our dolls and trains for kids and jobs. We want to be grown up and big, but still need a hug and a kind word. The competition that began for mom and dad’s attention carries on to the climb to the top, the desire to be seen, the belief that we are worth it. Remembering this helps me to stay soft, to be open, to hear and to listen, with myself, the people I love, the people I lead.

quiet mind

Even a positive mind is busy staying positive, and looking for the good. Give your mind a rest and let it find quiet. Positive is better than negative, but quiet beats all. It can be challenging to find it in this world of constant stimulation and immediate gratification and instant feedback. I have my go-to tricks for getting there, sometimes for just a moment. A moment is all I often need to remind myself of what really matters to me.

Barefoot in the dirt or grass
A hot shower with the lights off
A walk in the trees
A quiet room and some deep breaths
A heartfelt full body hug with someone I love
Gazing at the night sky
Watching the waves in the ocean
Sitting in my parked car for a moment before starting it up
Washing dishes in hot sudsy water

A quiet mind lets me remember that I am so incredibly blessed and grateful to be here on this planet at this time in history, with the people I love, learning the lessons I need to learn, and to lighten up!

 

small changes

It’s easy to forget that big things start small. They have to start with the idea, and then stack on stack on stack until the momentum builds and you can look back and see that you have indeed made something big. In our business we focus on making small improvements. We went through our menu in the early days one by one and asked our team, “How can we make it better?” For some things it meant adding something, for some, taking it away. The conversation and the language and the mindset expanded, and we started seeing opportunities to make it better in more than just the food. We saw that our guests often needed extra napkins, so we stopped buying the cheap dispensers that popped out only one tissue thin sheet at a time and made available stacks of dinner napkins for them. We saw that our guests loved our chips, so we made them self serve instead of hoarding them behind the counter. We saw that our guests, like us, needed to drink more water, so we infused and fancied up the water, upgrading our cups to make it more appealing to consume. Over and over again we look for new ways to make the experience better for our guests and our team. The changes are always small, and always about adding more value.

This is the kind of incremental thinking that leads to the big changes. If you have ever tried to create a big change overnight, you know that it is incredibly difficult. Resistance rears it’s powerful head, along with uncertainty and fear. It’s great to think big, and it has it’s place in your growth as you dream and set your vision and goals…the secret is to start small. Small is easy, small doesn’t trigger procrastination, small is less threatening.  If you made it a focus to be 5% better today, or 5% more loving, or patient, or generous, what would you be able to do?

watch your words

“Without knowing the force of words, it is impossible to know men.” Confucius

Listen to what you say, especially in your head. Eliminate the words that are not empowering you.
embrace these…….eliminate these
can                              can’t
will                             won’t
we                              Me
yes                             no
excited                     stressed
curious                    frustrated
relaxed                    exhausted
Other words to cut out of your rhetoric… “but”, which negates what you said before, and “try”, which, as Yoda says, “Do or do not, there is no try.” I will try invariably invites failure. The words we use are what shape our experience.

One of the most inspiring people I know is a man who is helping me develop our leaders in our organization, and whenever I ask him how he is, his answer, almost without fail, is “FanTAStic!”. The tone he uses when he says that powerful word, with extra emphasis on the “TAS”, brings me up a notch, and his positivity is contagious. Your words have power. Change up your answer to the question, “How are you?” and see what a difference it makes, not only in your own mood, but in those around you.

Great answers to “How are you?”:
Spectacular
Awesome
Excited
Amazing
Better than excellent
Blessed
Blissed
Couldn’t be better
So incredibly grateful
Outstanding
Perfect
Great