Its not what you do but how you do, is what I have been told time and time again, but do we really realize how true it is? How many times have you said yes to something that you really didn’t want to do, for reasons like obligation, or not disappointing someone, guilt? But if it is really true, that its not what you do but how, doesn’t the “how” if you are not doing it out of pure joy and desire negate any possible positive impact from saying yes?
If you are martyring yourself or would rather be elsewhere, and you say yes, the energy you are bringing to the interaction or date or dinner or event is not going to be positive. What if you made the decision to stop trying to be everything to everyone? What if you gave up trying to please everyone and really got to know yourself and what brings you joy?
I’ll tell you what if. When you begin making decisions based on your values and truly what aligns with them its a game changer. You will suddenly find a tremendous feeling of peace. You will appreciate the freedom of being where you are, because you have chosen to be there. I can’t count the times in the past when I have said yes, sure, of course, no problem, okay, I’ll be there, I’ve got this, I don’t need help, I’ll do it. My habit of over committing and over booking was in constant danger of sending me into overload. The process of learning to be OK with saying no has shifted my perceived stress into genuine wellbeing. Everything I commit to I am all in, I know that this means I can’t say yes to everything. Take a look at your calendar from the past 30 days and you will see really look at where you are spending your time. Can you see what you are placing value on? Does it tell you what you want to hear?