Author: Denica Freitas

whatever you dream

When you realize that there is a network of connectivity that runs just under our awareness and that you have the power to create the life of your dreams, it is like someone opened the blinds and let the light shine into the dark room that is made of your self created limitations. It seems incredible and almost unbelievable to our closed minds, yet it is true. We can’t know how long it will take to get to our vision, but if you believe it will happen, it will. I was honored to hear the story of the journey one of the people closest to me yesterday, and it is just one example of the evidence of this being true.

When he came to this country he was 14 years old, and homeless. He didn’t speak the language, and lived under the overpass in the now affluent area of San Bruno. This young man had a strong belief in himself and a ambition to improve his life and help his family. Since he was so young he was not able to find a job, yet he was very resourceful. He noticed that the people in the homes near the overpass he was living under did not like to do their own yardwork. This scrappy young man started offering to mow lawns, plant trees, whatever labor he could do, in exchange for a meal and a little money. He knew that he wanted more than this, and he planted the idea in his mind that by the age of 21 he would purchase his own home. Not a small dream for such a young man, especially one with very little resources. He had a vision for himself, and he had no doubt in his mind that he would achieve this dream.

When he was 17 he worked his charm and stretched the truth, applying for a job at a restaurant pretending to be 19 to ensure he was hired. He started as a dishwasher, and gave 1000% to being the best dishwasher he could be. He cleaned, he stayed late, he worked hard to make his area shine. After a little time he of course want to do more, and started learning to be a prep cook during his off time. He soon moved into this role, where he again mastered and set the bar very high for anyone coming after him. True to his nature, it was not long before he was adding value to the tight knit boys club called the line cooks. These guys are a hard nosed group who resist anyone new coming into their domain. He began offering them help by restocking for them, cleaning, sweeping, and doing the things that made their life easier. What happened next was more forward momentum for him. The cooks softened up to this young kid who was so eager to do the tasks they were not as fond of. They began teaching him how to cook, and as he progressed through each station he mastered them and was soon selected to be the new kitchen manager. This pattern repeated over and over for him as he moved up the ranks, to floor manager, bar manager, and finally general manager of that restaurant. The one thing that he always practiced is to live as if he was already there. He was expanding his vision to bigger and greater dreams. He added value over and over again, without asking anything in return but to learn and grow.

So did this boy achieve his dream of owning a home by 21? His roommates when he finally found a place to live thought he was certifiably insane when he would talk to himself in the mirror, pretending to be who he envisioned himself to be. He did not know how he was going to pull off buying a house by 21, he just knew it was going to happen. And with his hard work, intention, and God’s grace it did. That first home, that cost $300,000 in the 1980’s was the stepping stone for him on his journey to where he is today, a top level executive with a passion for sharing with others the secrets he has learned, that whatever vision you have you can achieve. His life is a perfect model of my favorite quote:

His life is a perfect model of my favorite quote:

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” – Henry David Thoreau

over thinking

I have been caught up in over-thinking. Trying to figure out the right solution to a problem I have, one that is not ready to solve. It has caused me to lose sleep, waking up every 2 hours or so from dreaming about the issues on my mind. The dull headache I have is a direct result of the overuse of my grey matter over the last 24 hours. As I think about the 28 possible outcomes of the current problem I have been digesting, my very creative mind gives me, in hi def, technicolor 3D form the many different scenarios as they play out in my theoretical future.

From my personal experience, I know that trying to solve tomorrow’s problems from today is a waste of energy. It is impossible to predict the many moving parts, personalities and experiences that will bring the problem to the point where it is time to resolve it. At that time I can almost guarantee that it will play out the 29th way, the way I couldn’t possibly have imagined from today.

So what to do to stop the playback and misuse of my imagination?
Step one is realizing I have put myself into this state.
Step two is to remind myself of what I know, that the problem is not ready to solve.
Step three is to remember the big picture and to look for the positives
Step four is to ask myself what small things can I do right now to improve today.
Step five is to start doing the little things that make the big difference.

And Let Go.

the wall

“Resistance seems to come from outside ourselves.  We locate it in spouses, jobs, bosses, kids.  ‘Peripheral opponents,’ as Pat Riley used to say when he coached the LA Lakers.  Resistance is not a peripheral opponent. Resistance arises from within. It is self-generated and self-perpetuated. Resistance is the enemy within.”  – Steven Pressfield

Athletes know about this place.  It is the point in time when all of the foundation work you have done reaches its peak.  The vision that you created, the business you wanted to start, the book you wanted to write, the new career you wanted to launch… Your creativity, ambition, desire and drive helped you achieve tremendous momentum towards attaining your dream.   About 2/3 into the journey here comes the wall.  Its the point where the momentum that carried you through until now has begins to falter.   The ugly voice in your head that shouts STOP begins to escalate.  “You can’t do this-What makes you think you have what it takes?  Who encouraged you to charge forward?  Where are they now that you need them??  Those guys are more educated and equipped than you are.  Why are you going to risk what you have now for something bigger?  What if you fail?”

I have a name for the part of my personality that likes to show herself when I hit the wall, and her middle name is Resistance.  She thinks she has an important job, that of protecting me from any possibility of change or pain.  I know that there are many facets to my personality, and the one who is always afraid and doubtful doesn’t get much airtime anymore.  She sometimes forgets that I put her into early retirement, and at the beginning of her voice not taking center stage, she fought me a lot.  But the funny thing is that the less I listen to her, the quieter she gets.

What I am saying to you is that we ALL have doubts and fears.  What differentiates people who are moving forward in the direction of their dreams from those who stay stuck is the thing called TAKING ACTION.  When you face that wall that is your resistance, its time to stand up straight and send that negative doubting voice in your head on a much needed vacation.  She is not acting in your best interest.  Her power comes from your ego, not from your heart.  Her greatest fear is failure, embarrassment, and ridicule, and she is the direct opposite of the creative part of you that wants to grow, has a story to tell, wants to make a positive difference in this world and is the True You.

intuition

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.”― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

I discovered the Tao Te Ching 2 years ago, and spent about 7 months reading and reflecting on the 81 short verses in this ancient Chinese book of wisdom. It is so mind blowing to me that the messages in this book that was written in 4-6 b.c. are so relevant to us still in this 21 century. We are born with infinite knowledge of the true nature of life, yet as we grow and mature we forget our innate nature and need to re-learn all over again how to be fulfilled and at peace. There are so many guides and teachers that are available to us to remind us of the way, it can be confusing and overwhelming to know our path.

When I was studying this text I focused on living and reflecting on the verses for 2-3 days before moving on to the next one. As I intentionally took the time to look into my self, I began to be aware of a voice inside me. This was a different voice from the one that is in my head. You know the Head Voice, we all have it- its the doubting, negative, fearful one that wants to pipe in at any opportunity. No, this voice was quieter, and seemed to come from a different place in my body. It spoke softly but with calm and certainty from a place I can feel below by heart, from as my gut.

When I began to notice this voice, I recognized it. It was the voice that spoke to me when I had conviction and belief in something. But somehow I had more often than not discounted it, or ignored it due to the loud Head Voice that drowned it out. Once something comes into your awareness, however, it is very difficult to ignore it and to go back to ignorance. Once I noticed the Gut Voice, it became a little bit more persistent. Not louder, just made itself heard more frequently.

I was confused. I didn’t know whether to trust that Gut Voice, I had already learned that the Head Voice was always going to tell me to pull back and protect myself, but I didn’t know what the Gut Voice’s motivation was. How did I know if it was the Gut Voice I was hearing or the sneaky Head Voice disguising itself? This may sound crazy, but I was still learning how to trust myself. I am a thinker. I like to figure things out, and this can be a benefit and a curse, depending on the situation. I needed to have an answer key for myself to help differentiate between the voices. They were all me, that was the problem. My cheat sheet when I am hearing both voices is to ask myself- “Is this message coming from LOVE, or is it FEAR?” The Gut Voice, my intuition, always acts from love, and conversely, the Head Voice, speaks fear.

I am learning still to pause and listen, and choose Love instead of Fear. I trust my intuition, and if the choice is not clear, I know the time is not right to make the decision. When the time is right the path is clear if you listen to your intuition.

“Muddy water, let stand, becomes clear.”― Lao Tzu

slow cooking

There is a lot to be said for a cheap cut of meat. Sure, that chuck roast is tough and if you try to cook it quick it will resemble shoe leather. But give it a little time, a little love, cook it long and slow with some nicely caramelized veggies and some salt and pepper and the plates will get wiped clean with the crusty bread you serve with it. But it requires foresight, planning, and patience.

Building a team is the same. It can’t be microwaved, it requires a slow cooker. It does not come cheaply. No matter how strong your vision is, the time it takes to build the relationships with your tribe, to learn how to communicate with each individual, and that you can count on each other is a process. It requires the sacrifice of time, and patience is a quality that most great leaders have to really work at. It can be incredibly difficult to be patient when you have a clear vision of what you want it to be like, but patience is required.

Take the time to notice the little shifts in direction and attitude, these are what compound daily and as long as you are headed in the direction of your goal, in spite of the inevitable setbacks, you will get there. Look for the people that have influence in your group and start there. It begins with your inner circle, the 1-2-3 or more people that you know you can count on, and they have your back. Start the conversation with them about their inner circle, and invest the time in expanding your circle by them expanding theirs. Plant the seeds and be sure to water so they can grow.

trust

“There is no substitute for character. You can buy brains, but you cannot buy character.” -Robert A. Cook

The foundation of leadership is trust. I am blessed to be leading over 80 people in my organization, and the only way I can do that effectively is by always being aware that the trust they have in me is a great responsibility. The people I lead trust me with their safety, their jobs, their personal growth, and if I do something to break the trust, it can have a huge effect on the culture of our organization.

I personally have felt the impact of losing their trust when I placed someone in a high position of leadership that was not equipped for the role and authority given to them. The trust I have built over the past decades gave the new leader initial credibility to have an opportunity to make a difference with the team, however the leader in question lacked the character to follow through with his actions. This leader came into our organization after a thorough interview process and with a clear focus on what our values and goals were for them. I really believed they were the answer to my issues at the time. They were to come in and implement training, coaching and development for my team. What happened was the opposite of my intent.

Instead of taking the time to develop the trust and the relationships needed to implement change, this leader operated under the assumption that because of their title, any changes that were rolled out would be followed through without falter. The trust that was given at the beginning of their entry into our organization was quickly depleted as they were unable to gain traction and bond with the team. This of course flowed upwards to me as the leader and guardian of culture with my team. I began to become aware of discord in the team, and the energy I felt when walking through my locations felt off. I am very conscious of the dynamic force that occurs when you have a team working in sync and with certainty.

It was a candid discussion with one of my inner circle people that really brought to light the issues with the new leader. I had been unconsciously aware, but choosing to continue to have faith in the individual’s ability due to my nature. I believe the best of people, and really avoid confrontations. My least favorite thing to do is to transition people out of the organization, and I struggle with this each time I need to make the decision that despite the training and coaching we have invested, it is time for us to make the hard choice. As the leader it is my job to ensure that the people I place in positions of authority live and exemplify the values we stand for. This rises and falls on character, and I remind myself daily of the responsibility I have to those I am working with and leading to walk the talk and live with full awareness of the trust that they place in me.

“Character makes trust possible. Trust makes leadership possible.” – John Maxwell

build the bench

It’s rare that people start out as stars, most of the time there are layers and layers of learning and mistakes and growing and starting over. If you are only looking for the superstars, I can promise you will be overlooking someone who has the desire and potential to be a star player on your team. Take a look at any sports team, and the starters are always a smaller group, the other players are on the bench or in the bullpen. They may be earlier along on their journey, but they are adding value nonetheless. If you have been taking care of your people and your culture you will most likely have superstars that are playing full out for you, but don’t forget about the supporting cast. Look at the bench as the apprentices, some easy to recognize early on for their positive potential. Many, however, are laboring in relative obscurity, day to day just under the radar.

If you are on a team take a look at yourself and see if you are a starter or on the bench. If you are on the bench, your job is to support the starters and prepare yourself for becoming a star. You can do this by doing whatever you can to learn and grow, and to develop a mindset of serving and trainability. This means that you don’t think you know it all, and are able to follow the direction of the leadership while also showing your additional value, by going above and beyond, and by being part of the solutions instead of part of the problems.

If you are a leader, your job is to know that there is always a revolving door in any organization, and to make sure you are building your bench by ensuring you are coaching and training the bench and bringing in higher caliber people than those that leave. Everyone has value, but if you are losing people that operate at level 8 and bringing on level 4, you have a problem. If you are only focusing on the starters, as the door revolves and you inevitably lose someone from your team, you will find yourself scrambling to find a replacement. Our goal as leaders is to always be building and strengthening the team from the bench up to your inner circle (the top performers who you’d really be bummed to lose).

In our organization we can proudly say that there is no limit to the growth of our people. We have a culture of building and growing our team as individuals, and the more we nurture that culture by rewarding the progress they make, the more people we are attracting onto the team who share the desire to grow and contribute. We have managers who started with us at entry level, with no prior experience, who are top performers and are learning to train and develop their own supporting players. It is a process, and takes time, energy and consistency to help people to grow, but the rewards are compounding and gigantic when you see the trainee becoming the trainer.

looking ahead

It felt so good to get out there on my mountain bike again for a ride. We had just started getting back into riding after a long lazy winter, and after my Tuesday ride I felt so pumped and complete! I was excited to get more of those endorphins flowing! We started pedaling up the first incline, a pretty gradual but challenging up hill that we used to be able to ride without a rest. I kept my focus on pumping and moving forward, my mind filled with dreams and thoughts about the new restaurant we are working on building. I almost made it to the top, but my will gave waay and I ended up stopping for a rest in the shade to catch my breath, a big improvement from two days ago when I made 4 stops up the same hill.

I am feeling pretty good about myself at this point, and ready to tackle the rest of the ride. We get to the top and get ready to make the rolling downhill ride to the Lake, where we will need to climb back out again. The rains have left the trail rutted and rocky, making the downhill a lot more technically difficult than I am comfortable with, but I am determined. I am chanting “trust the bike, trust God, you can do this” over and over as we start our descent.

I get about half way down and there’s the slope of death. I call it this because it has gotten me before. In the best of conditions it is difficult, but I have been able to conquer it in the past by keeping my eyes focused softly ahead to where I want to go, instead of straight down and looking into the ruts.

I have learned the hard way that my bike will go where I look. Look at the rock you don’t want to hit and 10/10 times you will hit the rock. Yup, my aim is that good. I am sad to say the hill got me, but not big time, just a gentle fall over to the side, with a little bruising on my elbow and knee. Humbling message to walk this part.

I get back on the bike and catch up with James, he is so sweet he makes me feel better by saying he also almost succumbed to the hill too. I decide to follow him the rest of the way, looking at his line (where his tires go) as a guide for my own path.

In theory this would have been a great plan, but we are talking about looking ahead here, one of the 17 laws of teamwork I was just reading about. Seeing more and before- the big picture, all the stuff I am working on living.

So my looking ahead only extended to James who was riding about 20 ft in front of me. I saw him navigate a muddy groove, it looked like he jumped up a little to make it through, but this processed in my mind a little too late for me to take action.

I followed his line, whizzing down the hill at a pretty swift speed, and suddenly I found myself bouncing on the trail. My front tire locked into that muddy groove and sent me and the bike flying over the handlebars to land with the thud of my head thwacking on the ground.

I was at that moment unable to find the strength to lift the bike off of me and get up. I could feel James stopping and looking back at me, I said “I’m ok I’m ok” as I lay there stunned for a minute, and did an quick inventory of my body to make sure there was nothing seriously hurt. With his help, I got up and looked at my muddy mess. My pride was bruised, along with a few body parts, but it could have been worse.

My thoughts as I was walking my bike up the hill after my spill were “what is the lesson here?” In riding in these conditions I was venturing into unknown territory, and since I was following a strong leader, I neglected using my own brain to look ahead. Had I remembered what I was learning, to look at the big picture, I would have slowed down and listened to my intuition that told me I was going too fast.

understanding people

When you are learning something new, how do you like to learn? Do you want to know the reason why it is important? Do you like to just dive in and experiment, get your hands dirty? Do you prefer step by step procedures? Or do you want to know how, or the factors that led up to this way of doing things? These are 4 very different approaches to learning, and I like to know why it is important before taking on a new project. For me to buy in and jump in whole-heartedly it means a lot to me to know the why as well as the outcome we are looking for.

Where it gets tricky is that everyone has different approaches to learning, and if I am communicating with someone who just likes to dig in and figure it out as they go (experimenter), they can get frustrated with me explaining the why to them. We tend to think that everyone learns like us, and we train and teach from our own perspectives instead of taking the time to connect with the person and ask them how they learn best. This was so enlightening to me when I learned this – my husband and business partner is a hands on learner. He would get impatient with my need to explain why, and expect me to just jump in and go, like he would.

Its almost like we are wearing different prescriptions of glasses. We often operate from the misguided belief that everyone is like us, and this is so untrue. There is no cookie cutter formula for training and developing people, and despite what we were taught when we were kids, you cannot treat everyone the same. Taking time to connect and really get to know your people by asking them the easy questions to gain insight into how best to communicate with them will pay huge dividends in building your culture and team.

* Do you want to know the reason why it is important?
* Do you like to just dive in and experiment, get your hands dirty?
* Do you prefer step by step procedures?
* Do you want to know how, or the factors that led up to this way of doing