Author: Denica Freitas

read more

It is a very small percentage and shrinking number of people who buy books. An even smaller number who actually read the books they buy. I am one of those individuals, and judging by the disappearing bookstores I am in the minority. There are stacks of them on my nightstand, on my desk, on my windowsill, and there are bookshelves in our garage that hold books that are not in my current rotation. The books that are stacked are mostly partially read. Some I finished and loved, so they stay nearby. Some I will never finish, and that’s okay. I know that I got what I needed to get from them already, completed or not. I read to learn, I read to escape, I read to be inspired, I read because I like feeding my mind intentionally. There is so much data and information and static coming at me all day long, from the radio in the car to the TV on in the other room to the seductive Instagram and Pinterest and all of the constant influx of stuff that bombards my consciousness. So I read, it is my quiet time, one of the ways I decompress from the day or set the foundation for it, the way I calm myself down, the way I tap into a part of me that is usually hidden. It’s the way I feed my mind.

Books I am reading now:
The Punch Escrow – Tal Klein Sci-Fi, amazing to me since what was once a dream often comes true, plus it was published right here in Oakland, CA, Love that!
21 Laws of Leadership – John Maxwell Always on my desk.
Do the Work – Steven Pressfield Easy read, helps me break through the inevitable resistance that rears it’s head.
How to Know God – Deepak Chopra Feeds my soul and gives me insight into my ever evolving relationship with the higher power.
After On – Rob Reid An escape novel, reading it slowly, but it’s in our backyard (Silicon Valley) and that’s the draw.

sharpen the saw

It’s harder to rest sometimes than it is to just go. It can be a constant struggle for me as I bounce between the extremes of being too busy and then slowing down. I often feel that if I stop for a moment I will lose my momentum and have to work twice as hard to get back to where I was. Then I learned about the power of disengaging. That it is even more important to stop and slow down as you are moving forward. The clarity I get when I pause and look around is only attainable by remembering to sharpen the saw.


Once upon a time there were two men in a wood-chopping contest. They were tasked with chopping down as many trees in the forest as they could from sun-up to sun-down. The winner would be rewarded with both fame and fortune.
From morning till noon, both men steadily chopped and chopped. By noon they were neck and neck, but then one man took a break and stopped chopping. The other man saw this and thought to himself: “The lazy fool, he’s probably taken a break for lunch. He’s given me a chance to get ahead of him and I will without doubt win this contest!”
A while later the man got back to work. As the day continued he chopped more trees than his hard-working (and hungry) competitor and by mid-afternoon he had taken a clear lead.
When sundown came, the man who had taken the break at noon had chopped almost twice as many trees as the other man, who was drenched in sweat, hungry and exhausted.
“How did you beat me?” he asked puzzled. “You were lazier than I and even took a break for lunch!”
“Ah,” said the other man, “I did take a break, but it was during that break, that I sharpened my axe.”

the management myth

Who’s in charge here? Can you tell by looking at someone? Do they look powerful? Tall, strong, with a take charge attitude? Some of our leaders are men, some are women. Some are tall, some are small, some vocal and loud, some quiet and diminutive. They are a diverse group of individuals, yet all share many of the same traits. They are eager to learn, they love people, they believe in making a difference, and not only the desire but the motivation to do what it takes to improve life for themselves, their families, and the people they work with.

It’s a misconception that management and leadership are the same thing. To think that because you are in charge, people should do what you say. Unless you are in the military I would venture to say that this is not how it works. It’s not that a manager can’t enforce policy, but what happens when he is not there? True leadership is the ability to influence people, even when you are not present. It is the process of creating buy-in to a picture of a better workplace, a better life, a better world. Can you manage and lead? Absolutely, it is necessary, especially in our business. Our leaders need to manage their labor costs, their food and supply expenses, the scheduling, even the flow of guests that come in to our restaurants. However, the even more important part of their job, the foundation of it all, is their leadership abilities. This begins with connecting, with listening, with serving and supporting the people you are leading, and understanding that it is all a process, not a destination.

better left unsaid

The conversation you have in your head where you tell them exactly what you think. The one that states your opinions, your judgements, your reactions, the “brutal truths”. It is often better to leave these conversations in your head. Or better yet to halt them before you waste your energy having them even with yourself. If you are honest with yourself, you know how they play out, and it never ends well. You may think you will feel better once you get it off your chest, but the result is rarely what you had hoped. Once it’s out you can’t take it back. So talk yourself down, calm your self righteousness. Drink some water and breathe. Whew.

reflection

As we enter the last month of 2017, I am spending more time reflecting. Thinking back over the year and remembering the lessons. I know that if I can’t see the lessons I have learned this year, I am destined to repeat them next year. I want to make sure I extract the gold from the tough times, the aha’s, the insights. My process is to capture them in writing, and in the process I realize how much happens in a year. Time is a strange thing, when you are waiting to turn 16, or 18, or 21 it seems to take forever. When you have a vacation planned, or a big goal set for the future, time can seem to move so slowly as you wait for it to arrive. However, when I look back through the year I am always taken by surprised that things that happened 6 months ago can seem like 2 years have passed.

So here I sit, with a blank sheet of paper and a pen. I find a quiet space and say a prayer of thanks to God, to the Universe, to my body, for the ability to see, to write, to remember and to think.

Step One: I brainstorm all of the lessons I can remember from this year, mentally going month by month through the year.
Step Two: I get my phone and open up my pictures app. I scroll back to January, and look through all of the photos. I begin a second list of all of the things I am grateful for, triggered by the photos and memories stored in my little device. This also brings more lessons to the forefront, so I have 2 lists going simultaneously now.
Step Three: I go through my 2017 calendar, and here comes another wave of memories, lessons and gratitudes

I date and sign the paper, and set it aside. I will bring it out again next week, early in the morning, in a quiet place, and read it. What is amazing is that when I read it next, with a fresh mind, it will bring back all the lessons and feelings of gratitude, and I will be in the perfect place to plan out an amazing 2018.

are you leading?

To really see how the leader is doing, look at the followers.

Are the people following? All leaders are going somewhere, but can they bring people with them?
Are the people willing to make changes for the better?
Are the people growing? The growth and development of people is the highest calling of a leader.
Are the people succeeding?

If you think you are leading but no one is following, you are just taking a walk.

effectiveness

Your effectiveness is directly determined by your leadership ability.

This statement used to leave me shaking. I knew that leadership was something I had to grow into. I had to discover what it meant, and how it was different from what I was doing. I had to see the qualities that strong leaders I knew had, and make it an intention for myself to learn how to develop these in myself. The leaders that were not necessarily business moguls, but simply charismatic individuals who were able to create change, to enlist help, to gather others around a cause. The leaders I admired all shared a level of confidence, a strength of belief, an ability to see things as better than they were, a positive mindset. And faith. Faith in a greater power, faith in their own resilience, and faith that they could create positive change.

There is no limit, no level 10, when you are growing. The only cap to your leadership is when you stop seeing more. I am constantly reminded to see things as how they can be, not how they are right now. In leading my 4 organizations, I am enrolled in life school. My lessons are to grow, to learn, to envision, to dream. The curriculum is sometimes tough, as some of the lessons hurt, but learn I must. I am always working ON our business, working with the people who are making it happen, helping to bring people together who share our values of kindness, gratitude, and growth. Working ON myself, on building my strengths and surrounding myself with people who can cover my weaknesses. It is not easy, but I am a student, and am learning as I go.

dinner’s ready

Yelling upstairs “Dinner’s ready!” has proven to only work less than 25% of the time. If I want my teens to join the family for dinner, I have learned to go upstairs, knock, and to invite them to come and eat with us. It’s so much easier to yell, but when I take the time to put in the effort of connecting with respect, my results are better. Lessons everyday. Putting extra effort and letting them know I care always gets better results. Where else can I apply this?

failures pt. 3

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill
How you look at the failures is in your control- they are the stepping stones to success. You can redefine your failures right now and change your past. Yes it’s true!. The tapes that you have been playing in your head that are the story of your life can be ejected and replaced with new ones. The story that says you are not a go-getter, that you are not smart, that you are a failure, that you are not lovable, that people betray you, that women are manipulative or that men are selfish, any story at all. There were things that happened to me in the past that were painful and I held on to as part of my identity. They colored and influenced the way I reacted and behaved with people. They were the shields that kept me from getting hurt, the banners that announced who I was, the excuses that I used for why I could not. Someone sometime in my past told me I was book smart but life stupid. Why did I believe it? Because I had example after example show up that proved this was true. It became who I was, a persona that controlled all of my actions for many years. I was uncertain, insecure, I lacked confidence in myself. It was a self fulfilling belief, since I kept attracting opportunities to prove these limiting beliefs right. I would think, “Why does this always happen to me?” and my oh so responsive inner voice would say, “It’s because you are gullible. Remember this time and that time and the time before?” or “It’s because people are not to be trusted.”

So what happened to change the story I was telling myself? I see now that I was ready to change. I was tired of the same old feelings of inadequacy and helplessness. I began to ask myself a different question, “Why do I feel this way?” It changed, from things happening to me, to me questioning my responses. A subtle shift that allowed the door to crack open into a whole new way of being. The saying that when the student is ready the teacher will appear is very true, although I believe the teachers are always there, just a small shift outside of our awareness. When we open our minds to the possibility of changing our lives, we begin to see that it is indeed possible. I have gone back to the painful experiences, the failures, the rejections, and ejected the tapes. I have forgiven my younger self for not knowing more. I have attached another meaning to the events, a meaning that gives me peace, as I now see that they were vital lessons in my journey. Every failure was indeed a success, because without them I would not be where I am today, and for that I am grateful.

best laid plans

As I sit here at my desk today I have a brand new puppy on my lap. He is proving to be a great reminder that no matter how much we think we know what the future will hold, we are often wrong. I didn’t anticipate the impulsive decision to drive over 8 hours away to bring a new addition home to our family. I didn’t foresee how he would endear himself to me in such a short time. I didn’t remember that a puppy is much like a newborn and requires time, energy and attention to care for and train him. Yet, here we are. Thankfully he is an adorable disruption to my plans, yet he is a disruption nonetheless. Life often takes a turn you don’t expect. I am reminded that adjusting to these turns is what determines the level of peace, joy and acceptance in my life.