Category: leadership

heads up

Make it a habit to look ahead. Don’t live there, but the best leaders are always looking up and around. You have to look around the corner, anticipate the next challenge or move, anything that will affect the performance of their team. The most effective leaders are always working to improve the team and mitigate problems, and this can happen only when they take the time to look forward. If you are exclusively coaching from the field, your view is limited to what is directly in your line of vision. It takes rising above, metaphorically, and taking a ride around the field and down the road to see what’s coming next.

In our business the leaders need to always be looking forward to the next week, or to the busy weekend. They need to ensure we have enough product and people to service the clients with excellence. Failure to do this will always result in a lapse when it comes to the final goal- to exceed the client expectations. I spent a lot of my career coaching from the field, I was in the ranks, my finger on the pulse, but my eyes could only see the full circle around me. It took the right message at the right time for me to begin to learn how to heads up.

I was at a business seminar a few years back, and we had to break up into small groups with people we didn’t know. In the process of sharing what I do for a living, and the challenges I was having with growing my company, one of the women had the perfect insight. She said, “It seems like you are too close to the screen, what if you imagine yourself floating up in the sky and looking down at your business. Make the circle bigger, and expand the definition of what you do.” This was exactly what I needed to hear, and helped me to redefine myself as a leader. I was not a baker, well, I was, but not only. I was also a founder, a dreamer, an inspirer, a teacher, a coach…and soon a leader.

I continuously remind myself to look up, look ahead, anticipate the curves and ruts in the road, but also keep my goal in my line of sight. This is the secret to getting from here to there.

persistence

Ben can’t walk. He’s only 10 months old, so it is to be expected.

Yet he keeps on trying. He pulls himself up and falls down and gets up again and again. He instinctively knows not to give up. He doesn’t let his many failed attempts stop him from pursuing the goal of independence.

We can learn a lot from Ben. Stop over-thinking and analyzing and speculating and worrying and waiting to be good, just get out there and do it and fail and learn and do it again.

successor

Are you developing leaders or followers? I find that many leaders are really good at developing their own leadership, but only a few are developing others into leaders. A great mentor of mine had been telling me for years that in order to get the results I was looking for, I needed to develop people. Now to the old me, this was ambiguous and confusing. I didn’t understand how to “develop” people, though I got the gist, that I needed to learn what this was, and how to do it. I knew we needed people to help us grow, the problem was that I brought anyone on the team who wanted to be on the team, and I didn’t train them, I didn’t develop them. I don’t think I was unique in my ignorance, many businesses, even successful ones, operate with the belief that all you need to do is pay someone well and give them a title and your work is done.

When I made the decision to step up and raise the bar for myself, I began to grow. As I grew, and really dug deep inside myself to identify who I needed to be, the developing began. What clarified it is that you cannot develop others unless you are first developing yourself. You cannot give what you don’t have. Its like a pitcher that needs to be filled until it is overflowing, and the overflow is what you are giving to those you are leading.

The fulfillment comes when you are not only growing yourself by expanding your vision of what you think you can do, but also sharing that new knowledge with those around you. We always operate only to the extent that we believe possible for ourselves. If you begin imagining yourself as a being of infinite potential, you begin to grow.

4 levels of listening

If you are always focusing on tomorrow peace will be just beyond your reach. This is not to say that you shouldn’t set big goals, or spend time dreaming big dreams, but if you spend too much time in the possible future you are closing off your awareness to the present moment. This has the ripple effect of influencing the quality of your relationships because you are not able to be fully present for the people you care about. Take for example listening. There are 4 levels of listening, and I work to train myself to listen at level 2 or above as much as possible.

When you are listening at level 4, you are listening with your ears, but are thinking other thoughts. You can probably repeat verbatim what was said, but you are not engaged or really hearing. Like when your kids are immersed in a video game and you tell them dinner’s ready and you know they hear you but they aren’t listening, or you are rattling off about your day to your spouse while they watch the news. “Are you listening to me??” she says. “Yes of course, you said you and Maria had lunch and you returned the stuff to the mall.” says her husband, but she is certain he was not really listening, just memorizing her words.

Level 3 listening is where many of us live. This is when you are listening, but at the same time you are formulating your reply. You are waiting for the pause to interject your reply “Oh I had that same thing happen…” or sometimes not even waiting, but instead interrupting to hijack the conversation over to you as the subject. It’s much easier to notice this happening when you are not in the conversation. I witnessed this just yesterday as my husband and daughter were talking over each other, both talking about the same thing to each other from their “I” perspective. It is much more difficult to catch yourself doing this, but with practice I am starting to hear myself when I am about to say “I”. We tend to be at this stage when instead of truly hearing the person, we are attempting to give a solution, to unintentionally compete “Well you’ve gotta hear about MY day.”

Level 2 is what I like to think of as the deep conversation listening. This is when your mind is clear and you are open, listening intently to what is being said. You are not offering solutions, but rather asking questions and becoming curious about what they are talking about.

Psychologists say that over 90% of communication is actually nonverbal. We communicate with the tone of our voice as well as our body language. If you doubt this to be true, just say “Thank you” in a sincere way, then again sarcastically. Totally different feeling is generated. When I am in a heated discussion with my husband, my tendencies are to cross my arms, while he drops his eyebrows and gets very tense. Even someone who just saw a snapshot would be able to see when we are having a conflict, versus when we are relaxed and just conversing openly.

Level 1 is level 2 plus your intuition. You are in tune to what is NOT being said, noticing body language and the underlying non verbal cues that let you know what is really going on. This is where you are totally present and actively listening to someone, and is the biggest gift you can give to people you are interacting with. As you practice being present and open, it becomes easier and easier to listen and hear what is said and most importantly what is needed, but just like anything, its a process, a moment by moment decision to be aware.

learning to lead

The most important job I have here in this life is to guide the beings that have been entrusted to me to care for, my children, into a life of infinite possibilities. I have raised 4 of these unique individuals, and had some influence in the growth of the 5th, and one thing biggest thing I have learned from them is that everyone is unique. For some insane reason I thought that if I was their mom, they had my DNA, and I loved them all the same, they would all act the same. Reading that last sentence back to myself sounds definitely…if not insane, then naive, yet it boggled my mind again and again as I learned the nuances of each one’s preferred methods of connection and nuances of personality.

Though their methods of meeting them vary, they all share the same basic human needs. Things like we all want to be noticed and loved, we want to know we are appreciated and that we matter. We all want the certainty that we will be safe, yet we also crave variety. We are happiest when we are growing, though there is a time to just relax and reflect. And most of all, we want connection. We may have differing degrees of desire for connection. I for one love my down time, where I can just be alone with my thoughts or music or my writing, and 2 of my kids are very much like me in that. The other 3 seem to be the opposite, and seem to thrive on more interaction.

The lessons I am learning as I navigate being a parent of 5 have given me tools to be able to be a better leader for the people that work with me in our organizations. I have had to learn to communicate differently with each one, and to trust my intuition when it is sending me a message of what “need” is speaking to me. I have had to learn to be present and to read the body language to understand the fears that can control our lives. I have had to learn to express appreciation more and disapproval rarely. I have had to learn to hold myself to a higher standard as I realize how many people are looking to me for leadership and guidance. I have had to learn to lead.

“While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about.” — Angela Schwindt

fulfillment

We are complex human beings, and have many arteries that lead to the heart of fulfillment. It can be said that success is a science, you can find all sorts of avenues, guides, step by step instructions on how to succeed at almost anything. But fulfillment…that is an art. With any big goal I have had, whether it is losing 20 pounds, running a marathon, opening another restaurant, paying off my car…the striving was the fun of it. Once I achieved the “goal”, I felt satisfaction or euphoria or just chilled out, but only for a time. Then, as what was once just out of reach is completed and behind me, I was faced with a what next? I have a polarized way of being, one part of me yearns to strive and climb and do the hard stuff, and the other part is always telling me to relax and just enjoy where you are. Life becomes the balancing act between these two strong parts of my personality. I know that if I am nearing the realization of a goal, I had better have another one right behind it, or apathy, laziness, boredom will set in for me as the dip between climbs.

I have known myself all my life, but I am still peeling layers back and getting surprised about who I am and what drives me.
This sounds crazy, because how is it that we don’t really know ourselves? I mean, we are ourselves, our minds are our own, our body is ours, so why do we succumb to doing things that are not in our best interest? Why do I eat those Oreos when I have been so good on my healthy eating? Why do I get upset when someone projects their own unhappiness onto me? Why is it that what is just out of reach is more fulfilling than what is in my hand?

The process of learning about myself has sent me on the search to find out what brings me fulfillment, not just success. The way to really operate at our highest potential is to make sure that we are taking care of all of those pathways.

For me, I can narrow it down to 5 main roads:

  • Love and Connection- I need to love and be loved, I think this is my strongest need, and I am so blessed that I have outstanding and close relationships with people I am able to live this with and through.
  • Growth – I need to be learning and growing. I fulfill this need in many ways, by reading, mentoring, learning new skills, pushing my body. I passionately love learning and mastering new things that were for me once hard. Riding a bike, running long distance, learning to be a leader, speaking in front of people, even learning new software. Hard is good.
  • Security – I think for a lot of us this is a big one. I want to feel safe and believe that tomorrow will be okay. I want to make sure that those I love have the comfort and security I also crave.
  • Excitement – This can be the opposite of security. This is when I step outside my comfort zone and am doing things I didn’t think I could do. This comes from seeing the people I lead and love growing and excited about their lives.
  • Purpose – I need to know that I am doing all I can to make a difference in the lives of the people I interact with, and in my little part of this world.

It is not in the pursuit of happiness that we find fulfillment, it is in the happiness of pursuit. -Denis Waitley

what does it take?

When our kids were younger and we had 4 under age 12, one with special needs, people would look at James and I and say “I don’t know how you do it.” It wasn’t only that we were raising our young family, but we also had tackled going into business for ourselves in one of the toughest industries to succeed at. We were well aware of the common belief that there is a 90% failure rate in the restaurant business, but we were committed to doing whatever it took to make it work. Our ambition and motivation stemmed in part from…if not eagerness, then single minded focus.

If I had to answer that query, how do we do it, we just do it. It may seem overly simple, but it really is just that. How do you do anything really? The facts were that we had no money, we actually were pretty deeply in debt and living week to week. We had 5 kids between us. But we were healthy, and we had love, and we had a strong desire to improve our life situation.

We approach our lives with the belief in doing whatever it takes. I know that this is the only way to truly succeed at anything. You cannot make a relationship work if you are thinking “Well, I will love him as long as…or until…” Being in business, or attaining success in anything is the same way. There are always going to be sacrifices, trade-offs. You have to sacrifice eating ice cream every night if you want to be fit. You have to trade off going out every night if you have kids. You have to forfeit guaranteed vacations if go into business for yourself. And you have to give up your time to grow your impact or your career.

This fact, that of sacrifice, holds some people back. They would rather stay in a static world of their own creation, where the sacrifices are convenient, and this is okay. Not everyone strives for greater things. But so many yearn for more, as evidenced by the huge industry that is called franchising. It’s a dream for so many to go into business for themselves. There are literally over 750,000 franchises in the US alone. Is this a guarantee of success? I would say no, the only guarantee is in the mindset of the owner.

So what kind of person does it take to be an entrepreneur? The same kind of person it takes to be a leader. You don’t have to be the owner, you can bring great value and attain great rewards, personal and financial, if you tackle anything you do with the same psychology. What does it take?
-It takes courage to take responsibility while others make excuses.
-It takes being dissatisfied with your current reality.
-It means being open to new ideas.
-It takes a willingness to put yourself at risk and to fail.
-It means seeing possibilities, not limitations
-It takes an all or nothing mentality when thinking of what you will do to make things better.
-It takes sacrifice.

work out

I haven’t always believed in the power of exercise, it was more the opposite, in fact. I was the awkward girl who always got picked last for the team during PE, it was well known I was NOT athletic. It wasn’t just that I had no skills, but also no desire. I could never understand when they said “Keep your eye on the ball”. How the heck are you supposed to do that when it’s flying at you at high speed? Running was always a hated activity, I would beg my mom to write me a note on Fridays excusing me from the laps around the field that were a scheduled part of our physical education. I saw myself as chubby (though I wasn’t), unfit (which I was), and NOT the athletic type.

In my early 20’s I made a brief attempt at riding a bike, which resulted in a spill that left me with road rash on my knees and elbows, effectively curing me of the brief desire to change my image of myself. I set myself firmly back in the “unathletic” category. It wasn’t until my 30’s that I discovered the amazing life changing magic of working out. I can’t remember what inspired me other than a spark of interest in doing something for myself. I signed up at the local community center for an aerobics class and as luck would have it, I found the perfect instructor for me. She was energetic, young, and super fit. Her classes were full of people (mainly women, with a smattering of men) at all different levels of fitness, and she played amazing music as she motivated us to kick and stretch and work our abs to UB40’s Red Red Wine. As I entered my 40’s I was bitten by the desire to run. I began reading about running, and actually began to believe that it was something I could do. I started slow, and before you knew it I was hooked. I was addicted to the endorphins and the schedule I made for myself and the goals of running longer and longer distances. I completed a couple of half marathons and was having fun competing with myself. Then I broke my ankle.

The recovery for the broken ankle was one of the most challenging times of personal growth for me in my life. I was abruptly reminded to slow down as I was restricted to crutches and nothing but rest for several weeks. The independence I thrived on was gone, I could not drive myself anywhere, and my running career was over, at least for a while. What took its place finally is cycling. First on a tandem since I was scared to get back in the saddle, and now with my own mountain bike on steeper and steeper hills.

I just read an article about Richard Branson, the incredibly successful entrepreneur and billionaire where he was asked how to be more productive. His answer confirmed what I believe to my core, two short words that for me make the difference between a good day and an outstanding one. There is nothing like the feeling after you have done something super hard and worked your body, the one and only one we get this time around. It is the perfect way to gain a different perspective on life. “Work Out.”

maximizing

So what now, now that I’ve learned the lesson that the best way to grow my organization and impact is from the inside, by growing my people? I’ve learned about the difference between leading followers, no matter how amazing they may perform:
(10+10+10+10+10=level 50 effectiveness)
and creating leaders:
(10x10x10x10x10=level 100,000 effectiveness).

So my work is done, right? I just need to keep mentoring these leaders and its easy on out from here. Stall. Another lesson. Not everyone you are mentoring and developing will grow into the leader you need to take your organization where you want it to go. There may be good people that have the desire, but lack the ability. Let’s say you have one of your 5 that no matter what you do with them, they are not showing they are able to increase their leadership abilities. Now you have 10 x 10 x 10 x 10 x 5= level 50,000. This is a 50% decrease in effectiveness for your entire team. This is why you have to be constantly looking at who is in your inner circle.

Not only does your inner circle, or your support crew as we also call it, have to have great talent, but also a good attitude. And like gremlins when exposed to water, attitude will compound when exposed to others. Some things are not contagious, things like skill, experience, talent, but attitude on the other hand is contagious. It’s sad but true though that a negative, or wrong, attitude will spread more quickly than a positive one, that is why it is so imperative to know who is influencing your culture, and to constantly be working to ensure you have the right fit.

compounding interest

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with,” – Jim Rohn

I often think of this quote and am grateful to have the amazing family and team to spend my time with. It’s really interesting to me how true it is that we attract who we are, because when I was pushing and climbing and focused on achieving, the people we were attracting into our organization were much the same. But as I began to pause and look around, and learn about what leadership is, there began to appear an incredible fulfillment as I began intentionally shifting from being a ladder climber to being a ladder builder.

My reasons were not predetermined, but rather as a result of finally being done with learning the same lessons over and over again. I think any problems we are facing in our organization, or in our lives, are here to teach us a lesson. They will keep appearing in different forms until we get to the root of the message and grow or change. How many times do I need to stub my toe on the hand weights that are sitting on the corner by the bed before I get the message and move them? When will I learn that if I am not focusing on my food and exercise I will feel crappy? When will I finally remember that blowing up never has the desired effect? When will I learn that the best way to grow our organization is to grow our people?

John Maxwell often says “To add growth, lead followers. To multiply growth, lead leaders.” The impact and effectiveness you have when you are creating leaders, not followers, is compounding. Every leader’s level of success is determined by those closest to him. This is your inner circle, the people you rely on to help you get things done, turn to for support, and seek advice from. In our organization, this consists of the leadership in each of my locations, the managers and key employees that are operating our businesses, the team within our team. In a smaller business, this may mean your entire staff.

Put it this way, if you add 5 superstar followers, lets call them “10’s” to your team, you have 10+10+10+10+10. The effectiveness of your team is at 50. But when you begin developing leaders by spending time intentionally mentoring them, giving them added responsibilities, give credit when things go well and hold them accountable when they don’t, you will begin to see the benefit of compounding. Your 5 superstars who are leaders’ effectiveness is now 10 x 10 x 10 x 10 x 10, or 100,000. I don’t know about you, but I like that math.