Category: leadership

over thinking

I have been caught up in over-thinking. Trying to figure out the right solution to a problem I have, one that is not ready to solve. It has caused me to lose sleep, waking up every 2 hours or so from dreaming about the issues on my mind. The dull headache I have is a direct result of the overuse of my grey matter over the last 24 hours. As I think about the 28 possible outcomes of the current problem I have been digesting, my very creative mind gives me, in hi def, technicolor 3D form the many different scenarios as they play out in my theoretical future.

From my personal experience, I know that trying to solve tomorrow’s problems from today is a waste of energy. It is impossible to predict the many moving parts, personalities and experiences that will bring the problem to the point where it is time to resolve it. At that time I can almost guarantee that it will play out the 29th way, the way I couldn’t possibly have imagined from today.

So what to do to stop the playback and misuse of my imagination?
Step one is realizing I have put myself into this state.
Step two is to remind myself of what I know, that the problem is not ready to solve.
Step three is to remember the big picture and to look for the positives
Step four is to ask myself what small things can I do right now to improve today.
Step five is to start doing the little things that make the big difference.

And Let Go.

the wall

“Resistance seems to come from outside ourselves.  We locate it in spouses, jobs, bosses, kids.  ‘Peripheral opponents,’ as Pat Riley used to say when he coached the LA Lakers.  Resistance is not a peripheral opponent. Resistance arises from within. It is self-generated and self-perpetuated. Resistance is the enemy within.”  – Steven Pressfield

Athletes know about this place.  It is the point in time when all of the foundation work you have done reaches its peak.  The vision that you created, the business you wanted to start, the book you wanted to write, the new career you wanted to launch… Your creativity, ambition, desire and drive helped you achieve tremendous momentum towards attaining your dream.   About 2/3 into the journey here comes the wall.  Its the point where the momentum that carried you through until now has begins to falter.   The ugly voice in your head that shouts STOP begins to escalate.  “You can’t do this-What makes you think you have what it takes?  Who encouraged you to charge forward?  Where are they now that you need them??  Those guys are more educated and equipped than you are.  Why are you going to risk what you have now for something bigger?  What if you fail?”

I have a name for the part of my personality that likes to show herself when I hit the wall, and her middle name is Resistance.  She thinks she has an important job, that of protecting me from any possibility of change or pain.  I know that there are many facets to my personality, and the one who is always afraid and doubtful doesn’t get much airtime anymore.  She sometimes forgets that I put her into early retirement, and at the beginning of her voice not taking center stage, she fought me a lot.  But the funny thing is that the less I listen to her, the quieter she gets.

What I am saying to you is that we ALL have doubts and fears.  What differentiates people who are moving forward in the direction of their dreams from those who stay stuck is the thing called TAKING ACTION.  When you face that wall that is your resistance, its time to stand up straight and send that negative doubting voice in your head on a much needed vacation.  She is not acting in your best interest.  Her power comes from your ego, not from your heart.  Her greatest fear is failure, embarrassment, and ridicule, and she is the direct opposite of the creative part of you that wants to grow, has a story to tell, wants to make a positive difference in this world and is the True You.

slow cooking

There is a lot to be said for a cheap cut of meat. Sure, that chuck roast is tough and if you try to cook it quick it will resemble shoe leather. But give it a little time, a little love, cook it long and slow with some nicely caramelized veggies and some salt and pepper and the plates will get wiped clean with the crusty bread you serve with it. But it requires foresight, planning, and patience.

Building a team is the same. It can’t be microwaved, it requires a slow cooker. It does not come cheaply. No matter how strong your vision is, the time it takes to build the relationships with your tribe, to learn how to communicate with each individual, and that you can count on each other is a process. It requires the sacrifice of time, and patience is a quality that most great leaders have to really work at. It can be incredibly difficult to be patient when you have a clear vision of what you want it to be like, but patience is required.

Take the time to notice the little shifts in direction and attitude, these are what compound daily and as long as you are headed in the direction of your goal, in spite of the inevitable setbacks, you will get there. Look for the people that have influence in your group and start there. It begins with your inner circle, the 1-2-3 or more people that you know you can count on, and they have your back. Start the conversation with them about their inner circle, and invest the time in expanding your circle by them expanding theirs. Plant the seeds and be sure to water so they can grow.

trust

“There is no substitute for character. You can buy brains, but you cannot buy character.” -Robert A. Cook

The foundation of leadership is trust. I am blessed to be leading over 80 people in my organization, and the only way I can do that effectively is by always being aware that the trust they have in me is a great responsibility. The people I lead trust me with their safety, their jobs, their personal growth, and if I do something to break the trust, it can have a huge effect on the culture of our organization.

I personally have felt the impact of losing their trust when I placed someone in a high position of leadership that was not equipped for the role and authority given to them. The trust I have built over the past decades gave the new leader initial credibility to have an opportunity to make a difference with the team, however the leader in question lacked the character to follow through with his actions. This leader came into our organization after a thorough interview process and with a clear focus on what our values and goals were for them. I really believed they were the answer to my issues at the time. They were to come in and implement training, coaching and development for my team. What happened was the opposite of my intent.

Instead of taking the time to develop the trust and the relationships needed to implement change, this leader operated under the assumption that because of their title, any changes that were rolled out would be followed through without falter. The trust that was given at the beginning of their entry into our organization was quickly depleted as they were unable to gain traction and bond with the team. This of course flowed upwards to me as the leader and guardian of culture with my team. I began to become aware of discord in the team, and the energy I felt when walking through my locations felt off. I am very conscious of the dynamic force that occurs when you have a team working in sync and with certainty.

It was a candid discussion with one of my inner circle people that really brought to light the issues with the new leader. I had been unconsciously aware, but choosing to continue to have faith in the individual’s ability due to my nature. I believe the best of people, and really avoid confrontations. My least favorite thing to do is to transition people out of the organization, and I struggle with this each time I need to make the decision that despite the training and coaching we have invested, it is time for us to make the hard choice. As the leader it is my job to ensure that the people I place in positions of authority live and exemplify the values we stand for. This rises and falls on character, and I remind myself daily of the responsibility I have to those I am working with and leading to walk the talk and live with full awareness of the trust that they place in me.

“Character makes trust possible. Trust makes leadership possible.” – John Maxwell

build the bench

It’s rare that people start out as stars, most of the time there are layers and layers of learning and mistakes and growing and starting over. If you are only looking for the superstars, I can promise you will be overlooking someone who has the desire and potential to be a star player on your team. Take a look at any sports team, and the starters are always a smaller group, the other players are on the bench or in the bullpen. They may be earlier along on their journey, but they are adding value nonetheless. If you have been taking care of your people and your culture you will most likely have superstars that are playing full out for you, but don’t forget about the supporting cast. Look at the bench as the apprentices, some easy to recognize early on for their positive potential. Many, however, are laboring in relative obscurity, day to day just under the radar.

If you are on a team take a look at yourself and see if you are a starter or on the bench. If you are on the bench, your job is to support the starters and prepare yourself for becoming a star. You can do this by doing whatever you can to learn and grow, and to develop a mindset of serving and trainability. This means that you don’t think you know it all, and are able to follow the direction of the leadership while also showing your additional value, by going above and beyond, and by being part of the solutions instead of part of the problems.

If you are a leader, your job is to know that there is always a revolving door in any organization, and to make sure you are building your bench by ensuring you are coaching and training the bench and bringing in higher caliber people than those that leave. Everyone has value, but if you are losing people that operate at level 8 and bringing on level 4, you have a problem. If you are only focusing on the starters, as the door revolves and you inevitably lose someone from your team, you will find yourself scrambling to find a replacement. Our goal as leaders is to always be building and strengthening the team from the bench up to your inner circle (the top performers who you’d really be bummed to lose).

In our organization we can proudly say that there is no limit to the growth of our people. We have a culture of building and growing our team as individuals, and the more we nurture that culture by rewarding the progress they make, the more people we are attracting onto the team who share the desire to grow and contribute. We have managers who started with us at entry level, with no prior experience, who are top performers and are learning to train and develop their own supporting players. It is a process, and takes time, energy and consistency to help people to grow, but the rewards are compounding and gigantic when you see the trainee becoming the trainer.

understanding people

When you are learning something new, how do you like to learn? Do you want to know the reason why it is important? Do you like to just dive in and experiment, get your hands dirty? Do you prefer step by step procedures? Or do you want to know how, or the factors that led up to this way of doing things? These are 4 very different approaches to learning, and I like to know why it is important before taking on a new project. For me to buy in and jump in whole-heartedly it means a lot to me to know the why as well as the outcome we are looking for.

Where it gets tricky is that everyone has different approaches to learning, and if I am communicating with someone who just likes to dig in and figure it out as they go (experimenter), they can get frustrated with me explaining the why to them. We tend to think that everyone learns like us, and we train and teach from our own perspectives instead of taking the time to connect with the person and ask them how they learn best. This was so enlightening to me when I learned this – my husband and business partner is a hands on learner. He would get impatient with my need to explain why, and expect me to just jump in and go, like he would.

Its almost like we are wearing different prescriptions of glasses. We often operate from the misguided belief that everyone is like us, and this is so untrue. There is no cookie cutter formula for training and developing people, and despite what we were taught when we were kids, you cannot treat everyone the same. Taking time to connect and really get to know your people by asking them the easy questions to gain insight into how best to communicate with them will pay huge dividends in building your culture and team.

* Do you want to know the reason why it is important?
* Do you like to just dive in and experiment, get your hands dirty?
* Do you prefer step by step procedures?
* Do you want to know how, or the factors that led up to this way of doing

selling your vision

I was at a dinner party recently and was talking to Martin about his son. Martin’s son had graduated from college with a degree in psychology, and was contemplating what to do next. His son’s perspective of his choices was limited to going into the field of counseling, but the desire to sit with people and work through their personal issues was not a big pull. Martin, who I speculate did NOT have a degree in psychology, used his skills to help his son expand his vision. “I told him, well son, sales is all about psychology, and life and business are about sales. Why don’t you use what you have learned and see what you can do to build a business?” Great advice! I may be biased, but I am a big fan of entrepreneurs and I love it when people are inspired to go into business for themselves.

This got me thinking about the thought of life being about sales, and its true. When you are parenting it definitely is, and my kids are great at selling me on what they want, and I definitely needed to be a really good salesperson to convince them to take a jacket to school or eat their veggies! In business of course sales play a big part, not only with the client or customer, but also with your team. It may be more subtle, since the team is not actually purchasing something tangible, but buy-in is vital to the creation of a healthy growing culture.

“Will they buy in to my vision?” I’ve heard this question from aspiring entrepreneurs, and its not about the vision. It’s about the leader. People buy in to YOU. People will rarely support even a worthy cause unless they have first bought in to the leader. That’s why corporations use celebrity endorsers, we automatically think that someone who is famous and successful at sports, music, or acting has credibility, and as such the product they endorse also gets that benefit.

The question comes down to have you given them reason to buy in to you? This requires building trust. We have seen this in action in our business as sometimes people we have placed in leadership positions end up falling flat on their face. When they start out they have a level of respect that comes automatically since they are in a position of authority, but from there it is up to the salesmanship and leadership of the person whether they succeed or fail. More than once we have seen a potentially great leader neglect the important part of the leadership process that requires you to build relationships and the trust of the team before attempting to make major changes. Buy in takes time, it requires integrity and a track record of credibility so that the people you are leading know and believe you will be there for them no matter what. It requires being honest with them, and sincerely taking an interest in their goals and helping them grow. Ultimately it requires patience and the work to build the relationships that will bring you to your vision.

meetings

“If you fail to prepare you are preparing to fail.” – John Maxwell

This quote was at the forefront of my mind as I prepared for my meeting with the leaders we are helping to grow in our company. The most important thing to remember when leading a meeting is to know your outcome. My outcome was to add value to them and ensure that they left the meeting uplifted. The absolute importance of taking the time to connect with the people you are leading is non-negotiable. My flexible agenda when I lead a small meeting goes like this:

1. Set the expectation (Tell them why they are there. Most people are sitting there thinking to themselves, why are we meeting? What is this about?)
2. Appreciation (Let them know how much you need them and appreciate them)
3. Intention (Let them know your goal is to add value and that you value their time. Start and end on time.)
4. You go last (Ask questions before sharing your story or message)
5. Anything Else? (When people are sharing and communicating with you, I always ask “What else”, never “is that all”. This keeps the communication open.)
6. Conclusion (Recap and summarize your message, while thanking them for contributing)

I look at my meetings as an opportunity to collaborate and connect with the people that I am meeting with. Many minds are smarter than one mind, and there is a synergy when people with a shared vision begin thinking about solutions and ideas. The ability to nurture this incredible group power and be open to the direction it takes you is a super-power when it comes to growing your business. The more you grow yourself and your own leadership abilities, the more you can lift the people you are leading. I am being pushed upwards to grow by the emerging leaders that we are developing, I learn from them as I teach them, its an amazingly beautiful thing.

turnarounds

Culture is a living growing organism. Miso, yogurt, kombucha, sauerkraut…all contain it. It needs the right environment to grow and to thrive. We are encouraged to include it in our diet because it contains active, live probiotics that help to keep us healthy. In your organization, in your family, in your country, you have a culture, whether you are creating it intentionally or not. Just like in in food, it needs the right environment to grow. Like foods, if your culture doesn’t have the right environment, it can spoil and turn toxic.

We are constantly in the process of nurturing the culture in our organization. We know that if you neglect the important things, like listening, really listening, the environment can and will change. The good news is that your culture has muscle memory. Well the good news and the bad. If your culture was not conducive to growth and love and teamwork, it can easily slip back there without strong leadership. When a culture has started to slip, as it can, you’d better pay attention and get in there before apathy starts its alluring pull back to the starting point. That the pull is like a tug of war, with the followers becoming stronger than the leader. Discord and inertia and even sabotage can and will happen when the culture is slipping. But muscle memory- it can bring you right back up to where you need to be with the right leadership.

Every problem, every issue, is a leadership issue. Without a strong leader who listens and cares and lives what they teach it is impossible to sustain a positive culture. Turning around a slip, or even the act of constantly creating and growing a culture entails connecting with the key people on your team. These are the green leaders and top performers, the 20% that are producing 80% of the results.

Connect and talk to your people. Ask them what their biggest challenges are. And help solve them. Listen. Follow up and follow through. And listen some more. If you don’t care, no one else will either. Celebrate the direction while keeping the goal in your sights. Remember that it is the little things that you do consistently that stack and compound and build the culture, be intentional about your habits.

more freedom

Do you want to go into business for yourself so you can have more time? More freedom, more money? Let me tell you that you will get none of those things, not at first. Being self employed is not for the weak. If I can talk you out of it, you should go do something else. It takes a do whatever it takes mindset to not only launch but especially to grow a business. The successful entrepreneurs I know are a scrappy bunch. They are driven, motivated. They can be stubborn, yet they need to know they will be constantly growing. They have a strong opinion on the things that they will not compromise on in their business. For my father one of the things was his phone system. He insisted that no matter how much his company grew, his clients would reach a real person when they called. After my 3 disconnected phone calls and “touch 3 for technical support”, “I’m sorry, please repeat your selection” frustrating call to Directv yesterday I can really appreciate this as a standard. In our restaurant business we will not sacrifice quality for price. This is a non-negotiable standard.

I grew up in a family of entrepreneurs, so it was a natural flow for me to open my own business, but even with that foundation it has been a steep mountain to climb. The rewards are tremendous, we have been able in our business to provide jobs for so many people we know and in our family, we have been blessed to be able to work together as husband and wife and with our kids, we have amazing positive fun people who we get to work with, and we have the freedom to choose who works with us. But every benefit comes with a sacrifice. You have to be willing to sacrifice time to reap the rewards. You have to sacrifice your ego to continue to grow. And when you reach the place where you realize that you are successful, you need to sacrifice more. You can never rest on your laurels, you must continue to ask “How can I serve (my tribe, my planet, my team, my clients)” and “How can I make it better”.

One of the dangers for the passionate individuals who venture into business is to fall in love with their product or service. They are so enamoured of their amazing widget or delicious food or beautiful artistry or interesting website or matching fleet that they forget the most important part of being successful. You have to be in love with your people. Your clients, your customers, your employees…this is the secret of success. Your question should always be “How can I better serve them”. Great success comes only after great sacrifice. Great success also comes with a big responsibility, a responsibility to share and contribute and grow and to serve.