Category: miscellaneous

Family can be and is for me more than my immediate, more than my husband, my kids, my siblings. Family is also the people I am leading. How can one expect anyone to allow you to lead them if they don’t first know you love and care about them? All the talk, the training, the success, the do it like this, mean nothing. No one cares, not unless they know you care about them. The almost 100 people in our organization plus my immediate family, all working in unison day after day, are the pulse, the energy, and the momentum that pushes me forward to grow and learn. I have been so blessed to be able to achieve my dreams of success, my dreams of financial security, my dreams of owning a business. And what I have learned is that none of it matters unless it is shared.

This means treating your team like family, and not some disfunctional group that doesn’t talk to each other. Like a close knit family that holds hands to give thanks together, that is there for each other when one is in need, and also that knows what helps and what hurts. Sometimes it means second chances, sometimes it means tough love, sometimes it means swallowing your pride, but it always means love.

There are many ways to get to where you want to go. Some people use a tunnel. You can tell because going through feels heavy. It’s when you are pushing through resistance and against outside forces. It can sometimes feel really dark and is hard to see much more than a distant light at the end. It can seem like there is only one road, and you are either alone in your journey or carrying most of the weight. It’s going through a breakup, getting through the day, going through loss.

If you are using a bridge, instead of through the obstacles, you are going to your goal. A bridge is outside in the light. You can see the sky and more opportunities all around. Instead of going through your next tunnel choose instead the bridge, the bridge over to where you want to go. It’s lighter, it’s faster, and you can breath.

It is tempting to look at the finished product and to wish or wonder or envy, but what is never apparent at first glance is the sacrifice, the hours, the foundation that it took to get there. There is no such thing as an overnight success. I know that I had a great advantage because I was blessed with the parents that I have. They are the classic American dream. My mom is an immigrant who arrived in the US bright eyed, curious, and scared when she was just 19. Her education in Spain had tapered off when she was 12 when she had to go to work. When her Papa’s second cousin, who was wealthy by marriage, visited them and took pity on their humble family, she was presented with an opportunity to change the course of her life. This was a huge jump for her. She would have to leave the only life she ever knew, leave her 5 siblings, mom and dad, and fly halfway around the world to a distant place called California with someone she barely knew. Added to that was the fact that the extent of her knowledge of English was “Ok” and “Thank you”. I still remember visiting my grandparents when I was very young. They still lived in the “barraca”, (a Catalan word which translates loosely into “barrack” or mud hut) where my mother lived with her family until she took that step into uncertainty. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to see where her life began, it is a reminder to me of the amazing freedom we have to create our lives.

My dad is a first generation eldest son of immigrants, and was brought up “the old fashioned way”. The way where his dad was the king, and ruled the family with a tight rein. His parents clung tightly to the traditions and beliefs they had brought with them from Spain, and believed in hard work, extreme loyalty to family, and keeping the clan together. My grandparents were my earliest models for entrepreneurship. They owned a motel and a poultry business where my dad spent his youth working and contributing to help support the family. His fascination with radio controlled airplanes and electronics led him down a different path than his parents had travelled, yet the ethics and foundation they had laid for him of loyalty and hard work were the basis for his success in the businesses he builds.

They have been blessed, as I am, to have been born at this time in history, and to be living in a country where we have the freedom to build our lives into whatever we can imagine. It can be tempting to look at the success that others have achieved, broadcasted so persistently on social media. But what is not shown in those snippets of life is the work it took to get there. The sacrifices that were made by my parents, and their parents before them, are all layers and layers below the surface that have ingrained in me the desire to do more. No matter what hardships we face, the disadvantages, the failures, the challenges, we can achieve whatever we dream. The secret is that it takes time, the foundation of the house of your dreams must be laid, brick by brick. Don’t underestimate what you can accomplish in a decade. 10 years sounds like a long time into the future, yet when you reflect back and see the way the world has changed in just those 120 months, it is a testament to our constant evolution. Ride the wave of constant change, set big goals, be patient, and say thank you.

It is so easy to teach what I know, to see the solutions for other people. What is hard is living what I know, the self discipline to keep going, keep growing, keep climbing. It can be hard to keep climbing, to keep going uphill when our habits want us to coast. McDonald’s tells us “You deserve a break today.”, Mercedes Benz says “You owe it to yourself.” But the reality is that 4 days of climbing can backslide with just one day of coasting. It’s like an icy slope, it’s faster downhill. If you have ever tried to lose weight you can see this in action immediately as your weight will bounce up after you cheat. It takes self discipline and another 3 days at least if you are lucky to get back to where you were before the slip.

The internet and the bookstores are overflowing with tricks and tips and seminars and step by step methods to getting the life you want. There are 7 habits, 12 steps, 3 ways…to being more effective, to losing weight, to achieving your goals, to being a better parent. So the issue is not that we don’t have the knowledge of how to get where we want, the issue is that we lack the discipline to maintain the daily habits that get us to our goal. As I write about leadership, as I talk about it, teach it and make it my intent to live it, I have to remember that the price tag for living the life of my dreams is self discipline. It requires me to maintain my footing when I am tempted to coast. This is not to say that I don’t pause to celebrate, just that I keep my eye on the prize. I know that no matter how much I “know”, there is more that I am still learning. My path is lined with lessons that I learn daily through my habits; read, write, pray, reflect and dream.

Pray, read, write, dream, reflect. As a part of my daily intentional activities I reflect. What does that look like? Yesterday it looked like me sitting in my quiet place (the low sofa in our never used “front room”) with noise cancelling headphones on, listening to music softly in the background. I closed my eyes and went back in my mind over the past 24 hours, event by event. What stood out the most was the impromptu meal our 3 boys joined us in around the kitchen counter. When they were younger we would always have family dinner at the table, everyone in their designated spots, but somehow as they have matured, gotten jobs and other priorities, the family dinner has gone away. So this was a rare and precious treat. Everyone was in great spirits as we stood around the kitchen counter enjoying our meal while connecting about our day. The boys were involved in their own little side conversation about what I can only speculate was the latest news about a game they had been waiting for. I locked eyes with James for a moment and gave a little prayer of thanks for this magic moment in our lives.

I am sometimes guilty of taking for granted the beautiful gifts and moments like this that happen every day in my life. I can remember vividly the feeling that I would never ever be able to go out to lunch with my husband. When we had one location and were cogs in the wheel there was no way we could have both stepped away for a lunch date, and it was always with a little envy that I would notice other people doing this in my restaurant. But just 2 days ago I was able to not only go to lunch with my love, but also go on a bike ride and get my booty kicked on a super steep hill. These moments are the stuff our lives are made of, and the process of reflection for me has taken off the blinders and shown me again and again how much good there is in life.

As an achiever I often struggle with wanting BIG and MORE and HARDER, but thankfully I am learning to listen to the softer voice inside that reminds me that everything I desire is here right now, and to know that anything I strive for is in search of a feeling. In search of contentment- and that contentment comes when we appreciate and notice what is right in front of us…another key to happiness.

Is it a warning to slow down, you are in his territory? Is it a bigger message to watch out for land mines that could be around the corner? Or is it just chance and you happened to coincide today? It sounds silly to try to attach a meaning to something as random as seeing a skunk on the trail, but we do silly things like this all day long. We have all sorts of “if-then” scenarios that run our lives and determine our sense of well being. “If she’s rude to me she’s a **itchy person”, “If he loves me he would know I need this right now”, “If she cared about me she would call me”, “If they overcharge me they are trying to rip me off” All of our if-thens are based on our own perception and rules, and the meaning we attach to these random things can make or break our day.

What rules do you have in place that are preventing you from being happy right now? Let go of attaching crazy meanings to mundane things. You cannot possibly get in anyone’s head to know what they are going through at any given moment when you are choosing to judge them. The erratic driver may be in a hurry to get to their hurt child, the rude woman in line at the store may be in physical pain, the overcharge may be attributed to *gasp* human error. We are perfect yet imperfect beings. Relax a little, let your guards down, and don’t forget to breathe.

I am not a good dancer. I am a good baker, a good mom, a good wife, friend, boss, leader, daughter, cyclist…I can hold my own in most social settings and know how to have an intelligent conversation with people from most walks of life…so far. But dance I cannot. I have a few early experiences with major embarrassment when I tried to cut loose and boogie that left me reluctant to put myself in a situation again where I may be asked to do the salsa or the cha cha or waltz or whatever. For some reason unknown to me, however, my youngest son has immersed himself in the world of dance, and as I accompany him to the showcases and competitions, I am finding myself in settings where everyone can dance but me. The pressure is there as they try to get me to give it a go, so kind and encouraging in their invitations, yet I find myself like a shy awkward teenager at the high school dance doing my best to make myself invisible.

As I see the absolute joy and big smiles on the people that are out there dancing, I begin thinking why not? I accept an invitation, and lucky for me the skill of my partner helped carry me around the dance floor with no stumble, although I was sure if he let go I would drown! I begin remembering that the comfort zone is a comfy place, and learning something new can be like picking up a really good book. There are a lot of things I thought I would never do, could never do- run a successful business, run a marathon, cycling, mountain biking, lead, paint, write, speak…So am I going to learn to dance? I’m thinking about it. I have not committed, but instead have opened my mind to the idea that I am not a good dancer…YET.

What if you stopped waiting. Stopped waiting in line at the coffee shop, stopped waiting for your number to be called at DMV, stopped waiting for the light to turn green so you can go. Stop waiting for the time to be right to start your new business, stop waiting for the perfect moment to tell someone how you feel, stop waiting for some other moment when you can feel peace.

But how do I stop waiting, when I arrive at DMV for my 10 am appointment to find a line out the door to even let them know I have arrived? Not to mention the additional hour after I check in to even wait for my number to be called. I change my thoughts. Instead of waiting, I decide to just be. I am grateful that I am not waiting in line for a bag of rice to feed my starving family, I am grateful to have the money to be able to indulge in a fancy expensive coffee in a paper cup, I am grateful to have a car to drive. Instead of waiting I am choosing to take the opportunity to be with myself, where I am, not trying to be somewhere else. Can be challenging to be with yourself, but what’s life about but learning to know yourself better and appreciate the moments we are given.