If you are comparing yourself to someone else, you will always fall short. Its a no win game if you are trying to be better than someone else. It can be a tough thing to unlearn. In school we are rewarded for being at the “top of the class” and I have always been super competitive. As I was coaching a leader one of the things this talented person was concerned with is not being able to perform as well as someone else in their organization. Even though they had proven themselves on multiple occasions to their employer through delivery of exceptional results, and were operating a a high level leadership, the deep insecurities we all share were erupting to the surface.
I believe that at a deep level, we share a fear that they are not good enough. Despite external markers of success, even the most confident people you know are often hiding from that old secret. It is a belief that many of us inadvertently picked up at some point in our youth. It could have been your well intending parents who praised your sibling for things you could not do, a rejection from an early crush or relationship, being picked last during PE time and time again, a teacher who labeled you as unmotivated, a not too kind stepparent that told you that you would never amount to anything, even loving parents who just wanted you to “be somebody”. There are as many causes as there are people, and I can assure you that the volume of the population that are trying to prove those people wrong is exceeded only by the number that are stuck still living those old stories.
What has to happen to be free of the insane belief that you are not good enough is to realize that you picked that up at a time when you were vulnerable, and that they are not a reflection of you. Instead, they are projections of other people’s own insecurities, and you don’t have to carry that torch. The way to be free from comparing yourself to others is to know that you are valuable in and of yourself. You are a unique individual like no one else on this planet, and if you are still alive it is because your work is not done. You have a purpose and a mission, even if you don’t see what it is yet. So stand up tall and give yourself the hug or pat on the back you need, and work to always be the best you that you can be. You will make mistakes, that’s ok. We are all human beings, and as such are perfect yet imperfect, and life is about making mistakes, learning and moving forward again.
“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.”
― Marcus Aurelius