Today I received a compliment today about my gray hair. After I shaved my head last year I decided to stop coloring my hair and let it grow out naturally, which for me means a strong streaking of white interspersed with my naturally dark brown/black hair. My sweet husband had been badgering me for years to stop coloring my hair, and to let it be naturally how it was. I was never brave enough to do this, and said “I will only go gray if I shave my head!”, never really intending to actually shave my head. But life manifested for me the choice to shave my head and follow through on my statement. As my hair grew out, my natural gray streak that had been with me since I was about 12 had spread to include much more gray than the one inch spot I had embraced for years.
Looking at myself in the mirror with gray hair has been an adjustment, and a battle with myself to let go of the image of myself I had held. The support I have gotten from random strangers, friends, and family has been incredible, and when I am feeling sad or less than beautiful, I am always amazed that someone will bless me with just the words or message I need to bring me back to acceptance. For me it has been letting go of holding on to youth as I had defined it in the past and accepting with dignity the new lines and gray hair that my life- 50 amazing years on this planet have earned me. Youth is a feeling, and when I look at 86 year old Madonna Buder who is completing Ironman races, I know that there are no limits to what I can do other than those I place on myself.
However, I notice and wonder why my first reaction when I receive a compliment is doubt. I wonder if they are just saying that to appease me or because somehow on some level they sense my insecurity. My son was with me so I shared this with him, as well as my thoughts about the unreachable standards and pressure of beauty that women receive on a constant basis from the media. His reply made me pause and think, because he said “Well, men never/rarely get compliments.”
I pause to look at my beliefs about men, such as that they are more confident than women, and don’t need the more frequent reassurances that I seem to need. This brief reminder from my 15 year old wise son inspire me to think differently, and to focus yet again less on me and more on others. To share the compliments and positive thoughts I have about those I meet. To tell my sons and husband how handsome, kind, strong, and generous they are. To tell the woman serving you at the restaurant she is beautiful. To thank the front desk for their kind service. To give to others what I think I need myself, and through giving the love and support feel the joy of lighting someone up. We all need to know we matter. We all want appreciation. We all need love. Men, women alike, we are all spiritual human beings with the same needs. Hold it inside and it will never fill you up. Share what you have and it will double/triple and more.