Often these two words are used interchangeably, but in reality they are two different philosophies. Managers have employees, leaders have followers. Managers are in charge of developing and enforcing systems and processes, leaders are in charge of creating connection and vision. This is not only true in business, but also even more importantly in families. If you have kids, you are either managing them or leading them. Parenting in my opinion is the most important job we are entrusted with. We have been given young humans to love, keep safe, guide and lead to adulthood, so they can carry on and do the same with their children, or the people in their lives. When they are little managing is the mindset, you need to tell them what to do and where to go. You need to keep them away from the hot stove, and probably help them with their shoes so they are on the right feet. But there comes a time when you need to shift to leading. Telling them what to do doesn’t work once they reach that point where they realize they have a choice. When will that point be? You’ll know. You will face resistance. Your sweet little boy or girl will suddenly transform into a different being right before your eyes.
I remember vividly the moment this happened with one of my sons. He was always a super cooperative little guy, always ready to do whatever we asked and to help out with chores. He was 13 and we were at our cabin, and our dog needed to go out. We said “Hey son, we need you to take Buddy for a walk”, and he ignored us. We let this slide because hey, this kid always did as we asked. After some time went by and he still had not taken the dog, we told him again, “Son, Buddy needs to go-“. Suddenly a new person took the place of our cooperative young son. He stood up and said “I don’t want to. Why can’t someone else do it?” What ensued was a rising of tempers and escalating voices until finally we took the higher ground and let him slide. This was the moment of transition, the point when we needed to change our approach and stop managing him and start leading him. How do you know when that will happen? You’ll know. This means asking instead of telling when we need help. This is when to trust foundation you have laid while they were younger to stand firm as they venture into young adulthood.
Managers are maintainers, leaders are builders. What steps are you making in your life to be a leader?