push pull peace

As I sit here at my desk contemplating my journey, I am aware of two thought processes that are pervading themes for me. There is the achiever part of me who wants to do be see more, and the at peace chill out you are right where you need to be part. For me my life becomes a balancing act of these 2. I fluctuate either daily, weekly, or by moments between avaricious periods of consumption and implementation of growing and pushing/being pulled towards a bigger better more future. And when that becomes too much, I find that I need to calm myself down by reminding myself of the lessons I have learned. Like you are right where you need to be. Relax, let go. You are already what you are striving to be. You do not need to be a better anything, you just need to remember the fundamental truths that you know but sometimes forget when you are in the push/pull place.

Truths such as always be true to your values. Speak up when something does not feel right. You live in a world of abundance. You will always have enough. Never ever sacrifice your integrity. Recognize that your “standards” are also your “rules” which don’t usually apply to other people’s world views. Be aware of any judgments you are making not only of others but of yourself. Be generous and kind and always give a hand when asked for help. Listen deeply. Speak less.

I love to learn, I love to grow, and I love knowing that I have available to me peace at any time I choose to look inward and listen to the calming voice inside. When I begin to feel dissatisfied or angst, I can come back to gratitude as a guide back to peace. It is an ongoing practice but so powerful to realize my own ability to calm myself. I don’t have to look to the outside, either through food, unhealthy choices, or “purging” my negativity on someone else.

Don’t get me wrong, in all honesty, its not easy sometimes. Especially when one of my many “thorns” gets triggered. These thorns are the deep rooted issues that I am still working on always, such as the happiness of my children, the approval I still seek from my mother, and my abandonment fear. A light touch of the thorn I can usually let flow through me, but not always. They normally will create a ripple effect that brings up self doubt and really take hard work to get back to my center. Unfortunately I will usually resort to one of my external ways of seeking relief, most often unloading my rant or ramble of fear and upset on someone close to me. I am so blessed and grateful that I have a loving circle of support who are usually able to hold a place for me while I work to release the negativity, and they help me remember what really matters.

Love. Acceptance. Love.