“Reputation is what others perceive you as being, and their opinion may be right or wrong. Character, however, is what you really are, and nobody truly knows that but you. But you are what matters most.” -John Wooden
So much of my identity has been tied to my business, maybe because I share the same name as my organization, but I think it is more than that. It used to be so very difficult for me to hear any negative feedback about what we were doing. Although I am not in every location all the time (impossible now with 4 different cities), I keep close tabs on what is going on. I get alerts on my phone whenever we get an online review, and it used to be that the alert would trigger a Pavlovian type response in my gut. I would feel a bit of dread, expecting the worst but hoping for the best. Most of the time the reviews were glowing, sometimes critical, and other times downright mean. I know we are humans, and as such imperfect, so there are bound to be mistakes and failures in our delivery, but that was a hard lesson to accept. I think it is a basic human need that we want to be loved, and when you think your business is you, and someone doesn’t love your business, it can feel very much like a lover’s rejection. At least that is what it felt like to me for many years.
James would remind me “don’t take it personally”, but that was easy advice to hear, not so much to implement. I can’t recall a specific moment where the transition started, it was more a process of learning to love myself and to believe in my own integrity and character as a person that helped me get off the roller coaster ride of emotions. Even if we are not business owners, we have reputations. There are people judging and sorting and putting us into boxes all day long. Just notice it, we all do it. “He is a great dad.”, “She is a go-getter.”, “He is a hothead.” The thing is that whatever box you get put in, your reputation, is based on the other person’s perception and life experiences, it may not have anything to do with you other than you share one similarity to something they have experienced in their past, so they file you there.
The only thing that really matters is who you are, how you act and the things you do in public and in private. I can see clearly now that my business is so very much more than me. It has grown and blossomed through the people that I have working with me every day. I am humbled and blessed to see the love they bring to our communities and the people we serve, without me being there. Its still a bummer when we sometimes blow it, but we are human, and what matters more is how we respond when we do make mistakes. This is where the test of our character comes, when we have the opportunity to learn, to show extra love when we failed to make someone happy, and to grow.
You are not your reputation, you are much more than that.