When I read things I have written in the past, sometimes the recent past such as in last week or three days ago, or from a year ago, I am often surprised. It feels like I am constantly learning and unlearning, and some of the lessons I have learned I seem to forget. It’s almost with wonder that I read an old journal, feeling a little like I am intruding in someone’s private thoughts, a little uncomfortable and maybe embarrassed. We have such huge brains, and although it is a myth that we only use 10% (research has shown that over a 24 hour period we use all parts of our brains), I imagine that we have sections where we live at different times. When we are in a place of sadness, for example, the things we do, the words we use, the stories we tell, our body language, are all recognizable as our behaviors when we are living in the sad room. When the sadness lifts and we move into another room, the room of curiosity, for example, we have a different set of thoughts, words, and actions. As we move from room to room, the doors to the other rooms are closed, locked even. I think that is why when I read about “aha’s” I have had, or lessons I have learned, they can seem so far away.
I read my own writing, and it sounds like I have it all worked out. But I don’t, its a process, daily, monthly, sometimes hourly to not get triggered. Somehow we find ourselves in the same situations, maybe a different cast of characters or a different movie set, but the trials are the same. My biggest challenges still is to keep my energy and emotions high when around people operating at a lower energy. That sounds all woo-woo, but basically what I mean is staying at peace when someone is upset. Or angry, or sad, or stressed. This is most difficult for me with the people closest to me, my kids, my family, the people I work with. Emotions are living, energy rich things, I think of them as balls of light, or magnets, or static electricity. I am blessed to have some very passionate people in my life, and when that passion veers to the side of upset, it is hard as heck to keep from getting pulled into the vortex of emotion that wants to attract more of the same. When my kids are sad or upset, even now as they are mostly adults, my strength gets tested to stay where I am and not swoop in to try to bring them up. Likewise, when all are content and excited it is easy to be the same.
It helps me to remember that negativity as well as positivity are parts of the whole, and it is a crazy perfectionist idea to think you will never have anything triggering you. The moment you think you have “figured it out”, guess what, it is just another doorway into the next room. And remembering that our thoughts control our emotions, and there is some Velcro involved in there somewhere. If you are thinking dis-empowering thoughts, or getting sucked into someone else’s dramas, our Velcro mechanism will give us more of the same. We will continue to attract scenarios and opportunities in our life to learn what we need to learn. It is all part of our job here during this short time we have on earth to learn as much as we can about ourselves so that we can truly enjoy the amazing miracle that made us human. Just a 1% adjustment to our DNA and we are chimpanzees.
Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them. Marcus Aurelius