what i learned when i shaved my head

"When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn't get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don't get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying 'You are too this, or I'm too this.' That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are." - Ram Dass

Our family was rocked with a reminder of the fragility of life in 2016 when my sister was diagnosed at 45 with breast cancer. In an act of solidarity with her as she was scared of the hair that was beginning to fall out due to her treatments, I decided to shave my head.

This seemed like such a simple thing to do for her, that I hoped would show my never ending support and belief in her, but it came with a whole lot of growth challenges for me.

With my head shaved bald as a cue ball, and as it started growing back with a strong dominance of gray, I started questioning my beauty. I didn't think I was a vain woman, but this experience showed me that vanity was hidden there behind my humility. This was tough to look at. It made me look closely at other things about myself that I was hiding from. It really made me look at what beauty is, and to redefine it for myself at my innermost core. Now there is beauty for me everywhere, and I see it in everyone. I see it even in people who seem mean and spiteful, because I know that their behaviors are masking deep pain and fear. I see now that true beauty is really from the soul.

Beauty is in kindness. It is in love, it is in laughter, it is in human touch. Society and marketing attempt to tell us what beauty is, much of what we see in the media is targeted at showing us that we are less than. It is rare to see a message that you are perfect the way you are, yet that is exactly true.

I am very blessed to have a husband and partner who has seen the beauty within me, and never stops reminding me of it through his words, touch, and love. I know that loving myself would be a lot more difficult if he had not always believed in my even when I did not. I feel so liberated now, believing in myself and in my innate goodness, I want to share this peace and joy and continue to inspire others to dream and see their own perfection and beauty.