The process of becoming self aware requires us to unlearn so much of what you thought to be true. It’s like deconstructing a wall, brick by brick. We may not even know the wall exists, it’s just the result of years of reacting and conditioning and modeling behaviors and opinions from the people around us. The bricks are the beliefs that we have picked up and taken as gospel, most of them when we are very young and as such a blank slate. We come into this world with a fresh start, although some babies I am sure bring some baggage along with them. There are babies who are jolly and happy and easy, and then the ones who are cranky, demanding and opinionated. We get here and we are helpless little bundles of cuteness, and our parents and well meaning caregivers get to work protecting and teaching us the rules of survival. What we don’t realize is that these people that are loving and caring for us all have their own fears and beliefs that may or may not be founded in any reality we will experience in our lives.
When my parents were growing up, they were raised with a scarcity mindset. Their parents had lived through the depression, and had endured periods of hunger and lack. My mother grew up in poverty in another country, at a level hard for me to imagine, but easy to remember for her. Somehow, although you would think this would have made them miserly, the opposite was true. They give more than they have, although they still remain frugal in so many things, as evidenced by my dad’s garage, the car he drives, and the things they choose to save.
The scarcity mindset was the most challenging brick to remove for me, I have never gone hungry, I have always had a roof over my head, and even if money was tight, I was always blessed with enough resources and support to have all I needed for survival. Then why did I fear not having enough? This is what I needed to unlearn. It is a process and a decision and a constant reminder to myself that I will always have enough. I can lose everything and I will never lose myself.
In order to continue to grow, you have to get to know yourself. We have layer after layer, and just when you uncover one thing, there is another one right below. It starts with looking inside when you get triggered. You know when it happens, when something brings up emotions you don’t like to feel, like anger, sadness, depression, apathy. These are all signals that there is some work to do. They are the puffs of smoke billowing from the fire you tried to put out, signalling that there are still coals smoldering in your deep unconscious. The only way to put those coals out completely is to look at them without resisting them or pushing them away, understand that they stem from fear, and then dunk them in the water of your acceptance and realization of what they are really telling you. I’d like to say then you are done, but the moment you think you have figured yourself out, there will come a test of your new beliefs, and another layer of the onion. It’s ok. That’s life. It’s the process of letting go again and again, no matter what life brings your way.