Author: Denica Freitas

get to do it

I learned many, many lessons from my father, but not least of which is that you can fail at something you don’t want, so you might as well take a chance doing what you love. – Jim Carrey

Do more of what you love. It’s as simple as that.
There are always things that we have to do that may rate lower on the scale, like filling up the car with gas, or cleaning the toilets, but if we increase the ratio of love things to more than the necessary things, the happiness dial spins right. Appreciate the moments you have to do what you love, and bring love to the things that are lower on your desirable list. When I clean my home or do laundry, I am creating a clean and welcoming place for my family. When I have to go to the grocery store yet again to restock the fridge, I am feeding my family healthy, nourishing food. When I have to carpool my kids around I am spending precious time with them and getting them safely where they need to go. When I have to wake up early and go to work, I am focused on enjoying the quiet morning and spreading love to the people I work with.

There is a way to make everything you do a joyful thing, by redefining your definition. Stop saying “I have to go to work” or “I have to go to the store”. Get rid of “have to” and be grateful for another day in your body to experience all this world has to offer. Speak kindly to yourself, and be grateful that you have something to contribute to those you love and come into contact with.

stories

When you realize that you play an important part in the creation of your life through your perspective and your reactions it is the beginning of freedom. I remember when I would say “It’s just how I am”, or “I can’t help it” or “He did this to me, so I have no choice”. Freedom comes when you start to see that no matter what happens to you, no matter what you experience, you alone are the one who determines the meaning you give it.

There are two brothers, grown now, who shared a very difficult childhood. Their father was abusive, angry and hostile. Their mother distant and unable to protect them from the tyrant who held the power in their household. They had little support in getting through this difficult stage in their lives. Although they were both in the same nightmare throughout their youth, as time passed their paths digressed to opposite sides of the spectrum. One is very successful, with a loving family and many close friends. He says, “My difficult childhood helped me be who I am, I swore I would not follow that path of abuse. I have spent my life working to be the opposite of my dad, and because of the difficulties I had, I have more strength.” The other is angry, alone, with addictions and has little ambition to change. He says, “My father was abusive, this is why my life is where it is. My genetic disposition is to be an addict. Look at the role models I had, it’s their fault I don’t have anything I want in my life.”

Both of these men have stories. Are they true? They are to them, but they are still stories. We can change the story at any time we choose, and by doing so change not only our past but the course of the future. Every thought, no matter how trivial, has a consequence. The stories of our life are what define us as a human being. The story we believe determines our reactions, affect our belief system, and how we see the world. If you change your thoughts, and change your story, you change your life.

thank you

The house is quiet, the internet is fast. There is no traffic, and a feeling of stillness is all around. All over the nation today cooks have risen early to begin the preparations. Some are grateful to have a day off, others are grateful to be busy working. Some are looking forward to spending time with family and friends, others are dreading it, some are lonely, some overwhelmed. We are reminded today to be grateful, on this day of Thanksgiving. It is the beginning of the time of the year when many are suddenly aware of how blessed we are. The desire to give back, to volunteer, to share our abundance is kindled. Is it possible to capture that feeling and to carry it through the year? The feeling that you get when you are grateful, when you have given something of your own, when you have helped another with no expectation of reciprocation. It feels like peace, like love, it feels good. It’s a feeling that belongs to all of us, it’s there always as a product of choosing to say a heartfelt thank you every day for the opportunity to live another day, no matter what the world brings into your life.

Thank you for reading, for being interested in what is unfolding in life for me, for hopefully taking one thought with you throughout your day and making your world a little brighter. Thank you!

looking up

I have had to learn to make decisions. Not everyday decisions like whether to have eggs or oatmeal, but the big, hard decisions. I was so programmed to look up, to let the part of my brain that handled hard calls lay dormant. I would absolve myself of the responsibility for making the wrong choice by staying passive. It was a mystery how some people could see things so clearly and just make a call. Pick the gray tile. Switch our son’s school. Sign the long lease. I was scared of making the wrong choices, my overly analytical brain wanted to feed me all sides of every possibility all the time, giving me just as many reasons to go left as it did to go right. One day after asking my husband for the umpteenth time “What do you think we should do about…”, I woke up to what I was doing. I kept looking up for the answers, and lucky or not for me, my husband would most often solve the problem for me. I asked him, “How do you make the right decision so easily?”. His answer was so simple, “I don’t always know if it is the right decision, but until you make it, and let it play out, you don’t know. If it is right, great, you got there sooner. If it is wrong, great too, you know so you can adjust and change it.”

It was not some big mystery, there was no missing gene in my makeup, it was just the act of deciding. Newsflash to my brain: He didn’t always know which choice was better! What a relief to find this out! I began noticing opportunities for me to practice my new awareness, and becoming more confident in my ability to make choices. It is a muscle you can build. It has to start with letting go of being attached to being right all the time. Being okay with making mistakes. Stepping into uncertainty, and letting go of the outcome.

family

Family can be and is for me more than my immediate, more than my husband, my kids, my siblings. Family is also the people I am leading. How can one expect anyone to allow you to lead them if they don’t first know you love and care about them? All the talk, the training, the success, the do it like this, mean nothing. No one cares, not unless they know you care about them. The almost 100 people in our organization plus my immediate family, all working in unison day after day, are the pulse, the energy, and the momentum that pushes me forward to grow and learn. I have been so blessed to be able to achieve my dreams of success, my dreams of financial security, my dreams of owning a business. And what I have learned is that none of it matters unless it is shared.

This means treating your team like family, and not some disfunctional group that doesn’t talk to each other. Like a close knit family that holds hands to give thanks together, that is there for each other when one is in need, and also that knows what helps and what hurts. Sometimes it means second chances, sometimes it means tough love, sometimes it means swallowing your pride, but it always means love.

bridge or tunnel

There are many ways to get to where you want to go. Some people use a tunnel. You can tell because going through feels heavy. It’s when you are pushing through resistance and against outside forces. It can sometimes feel really dark and is hard to see much more than a distant light at the end. It can seem like there is only one road, and you are either alone in your journey or carrying most of the weight. It’s going through a breakup, getting through the day, going through loss.

If you are using a bridge, instead of through the obstacles, you are going to your goal. A bridge is outside in the light. You can see the sky and more opportunities all around. Instead of going through your next tunnel choose instead the bridge, the bridge over to where you want to go. It’s lighter, it’s faster, and you can breath.

do it now

You must get involved to make an impact. No one is impressed with the won-loss record of a referee. – Napoleon Hill

One of the things that has changed my life, increased my joy, eliminated dread, and given me incredible satisfaction is making “Do it now” part of my philosophy. It is the secret to staying motivated to exercise, the thought that keeps me focused on speaking my truth, the mindset that has virtually killed procrastination for me. It has gotten me more in touch with my intuition, the inner voice that guides me in the best direction for my growth and well being. This translates on a daily basis into expressing myself by showing appreciation when I feel it, by giving a compliment when I think it, by saying yes to opportunities that come my way without pausing to “think”. In leading my team, it places the responsibility for leadership squarely on my shoulders, as I use “do it now” to acknowledging them for their progress, to train on the spot when the opportunity arises, to hand over the reins when they are ready to take them.

Procrastination is curable, motivation is achievable, you alone can take charge of your life and find fulfillment. Start today, do it now.

its not personal

When they don’t follow up with a promise, when they are late, when they spread rumors, when they don’t do what you expect, or perform to your standards. When they criticize, when they reprimand, when they judge, when they reject you. All of the things that get your hackles up, that hurt your feelings, that leave you feeling disappointed, they are not personal. Everyone is operating to the best of their ability based on their current awareness. Sometimes we are pulled or pushed or happen into circumstances that leave us feeling deflated. Or hurt, disappointed, angry. It’s hard work to pull yourself up and out of the place where you are reacting.

Life will continue to bring you opportunities to learn the lessons you need to learn. The lessons can be tough, they can be painful, they can send us into that place where our chest hurts as old wounds get triggered. Old wounds like “I’m not good enough” or “She loves him more” or “I’m a failure”. But if you can remind yourself that ALL of us are working from the highest place we can, based on our current awareness, and that what people do or say “to you” is not personal. They are also just reacting to their own wounds, and the lesson for you is to be loving, to let the arrows bounce off of you, to see in them the same struggles that you have yourself. This is another step in becoming more self aware. Seeing your reactions for what they are, and letting go. It will continue to show up, but if you continue to let go each time the wounds begin to heal.

4th grade math

Out of the mouth of babes- or how 4th grade math is showing us the key to counteracting negativity.

I love the absolute synchronicity of life. I was at one of my restaurants and I happened to meet someone who was one of those souls who was speaking my language, mirroring my reality. His 12 year old son told him that if you add 2 negative numbers you get a bigger negative number. The only way to change the negative to a positive was to have a bigger positive number.
(-200)+(-12)=negative 212
200+(-12)= positive 188
Is the secret all around us in plain sight? The way to counteract the negativity is with more positivity. More kindness, more love, more helping. During times of strife or disaster people rush to help out. In the past month have received at least 4 dozen emails about support efforts for the people affected by the recent fires and the hurricanes. It brings out the best in us as human beings when we have a catastrophe. Is it because we fear being in that position ourselves? Is it because that possible reality activates a part of us that is usually muffled because of all of our striving? What if we remember to be our best always, not just in crisis?

What would the world look like if that was reality?

hold a place

He was quiet and I could sense he was dealing with some disturbing energy. One of my challenges has been to maintain my neutrality, my positivity, my cool, when people around me are upset. We all have the ability to know, to feel, when someone is dealing with difficult emotions. The danger is always that emotions are like magnets, and it takes self awareness and the ability to remain centered to stay put and not get sucked in. Sucked in to reacting with anger, or worry, or any fluctuation in your own mood. This is especially difficult when one of our hot spots gets triggered. You know what they are, the core issues that seem to repeatedly come up in your life. The need to be right, the need for everyone to like you, the need to be the best, the need to have more, the need to be in control…we all have some variation of these needs/wants, the roots buried deep in our personal story.

So here was my test. My son was upset, the ultra sensitive mom radar was beeping as I intuitively felt his mood. The first thing that popped into my head was “*Alert*Alert*Equilibrium compromised*Dig*Ask questions*Fix*”. My instinct, conditioned I am sure by years of practice, was to fix it. To delve in immediately and see what I could change in his world to bring him back into the comfort zone. “Hold a place for him” was my second thought, thankfully before I could act on the first. I have read about “Holding a place”, but until this moment it was a vague theory that I kind of knew what it meant but not really. In that moment I realized it is a choice to sit back, quiet the voice in your head, and be present for someone. It makes no difference if it is your child, your spouse, your coworker, or even the person waiting behind you in line.

When any human being that is in your life is upset, angry, hurt, depressed, you can be the anchor. You can be the place where they feel safe. You can be the unconditional acceptance that we all need by choosing to listen without judgment, to be present without offering a solution, to hear without reacting. This is what it means to hold a place.