Category: leadership

expectations

I just felt the incredible release of expectations and the feeling is of such incredible freedom. Its as if a weight I did not even know I was carrying was suddenly released, like a helium balloon who’s string was suddenly cut, just an overwhelming lightness and brightness added to my day. I did not realize the pressure that I create on myself by having an expectation of what my life should be like at this moment. I did not see that I have this image of who I am, or who I am supposed to be. I think I knew this already, but here I am again. I began once or many times already to be this new version of myself, still me, but different.

It is like just putting my glasses on after wearing the wrong prescription, everything shifts into perspective and makes sense. I am doing what I love, connecting with people, and thoroughly enamored of my children and their uniqueness. I can look my life from above and see the beauty in the journey and evolutions I have made along the way. Why do I keep re-learning this? It must be the truth.

listen to your drumbeat

“Be what you are and say what you feel, because those who will mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”-Dr. Suess

There is such a pressure to conform, to follow the predictable path of school, then college, then marriage, strive, buy a home, have kids, working for years, retiring…just because that is what people do. We are taught in school to follow directions, to take our breaks, to be somewhere that some of us don’t want to be because we have to. Not discounting the positives, like how to interact with our peers, how to deal with difficult people, staying busy and productive while mom and dad are working, and of course much more. We look forward to the future date when we will have more time, more time to do what we really want to do.

I am what some would call a non-conformist, though I do have the SUV, the house, dogs, kids…but I didn’t go to college, and I have not placed any urgency on leading my kids to go either. I am teaching my children how to think for themselves and listen for their own drummer. At this point none of them have chosen the traditional path that I was raised to believe was the best path. There are at last count over 7.5 billion people on this planet. To me that means that there are most likely just as many roads to success, joy, and fulfillment.

I believe my job is to guide them away from danger when they are headed that way, to keep them safe when they are too young to know how for themselves, and to teach them how to think, not what to think. My kids don’t belong to me. They are unique amazing beings that I have been blessed to have in my life. They alone know what is best for them. My job is to listen, to give them the freedom to figure out for themselves what path they want to take, to help them with course adjustments if they are headed down a less empowering path, to support them in their journey, and to learn from them as much as I teach them if not more. They are in the position to be my greatest teachers. In my process of learning to let go of the need to control, they give me ample opportunities to test my intentions by taking daring steps that trigger all kinds of emotions inside me.

The most difficult challenge for me this far has been with one of our children who has made decisions about how they want to live their life that takes them away from us in more ways than one. This one has made dis-empowering choices about what to put in their body and who they choose to allow to influence them. It teaches me yet again that I have no control over anything other than my own emotions and my own reactions. As parents we want to shield our children from pain, but pain is sometimes a necessary teacher. I continue to pray every day for all of the 5 amazing souls I am blessed to call my kids, and trust that they will come through their pain and trials stronger and wiser. I hold a place for them always in my heart of love and acceptance of who they are as spiritual beings, no matter what their choices are in their life at the moment. I trust that the love I send them at every moment will help to give them strength when they are low, and I have faith in their own resilience and inner wisdom to guide them to the empowering path that they were meant to follow. I am blessed.

your voice

The opportunity is coming are you going to be ready?

There is an audience that your voice resonates with. You can’t be all things to all people- find your voice.

There are people who are waiting to hear from you. Live what you communicate. The character of the messenger is what will be heard more than the message.

resourcefulness

That feeling of dread when a lead cook and prep cook walk out on the same day, a Friday before a busy weekend. One is a keyholder, which presents it’s own challenges as we have to get the locksmith out to re-key and ensure that all openers have access for the next day. I have a firefighter mindset still, obviously, because my first thought was “I’ll go in and cook myself”

Lucky for me my husband James is a natural leader and operates at a higher level of leadership in these areas than I do. His first question is always “Who can I have help me with this?” This is and example of a strong sense of intuition. James instinctively knows that all of us are smarter than one of us. If I were to peek into his mind the questions he is asking are most likely:
Who is the best person to take this on?
What other options are there?
Who can we transfer from another store to fill in for the weekend?

James shows his ability to see more before and reminded me that we have resources at our other locations, and we called out kitchen manager from another location out for support. The mindset of “we don’t have enough people” can be changed to a question- or multiple questions. Who can help me? What am I missing? How can I best support my team?

I work on expanding my mind and using my creativity to find the answer(s) to the problem at hand. I know that leadership is a process, and that every shift even slightly in direction may not have immediate results, but if you take the trajectory of that shift out over time, you will end up in a totally different universe.

the big picture

Remember the big picture and not to get caught up in the little fires that go on every day. As a leader it is vital to look above and see the big picture to remember to be grateful and connect with people at the deepest level possible for you and help people grow. Believe in the infinite potential of those you meet and know. Help them to believe that about themselves too. We are in the people business helping to grow people. We are leaders leading leaders.

I trust in people's potential and sow the seeds in soil to sprout. I continue to coach and learn with my team. I am open to whatever else is brought my way, I will actively seek out situations where I can be of service to others and that will help me to live and grow as a leader.

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. "-Henry David Thoreau

servant heart

Realize the connection between you and them. There is no duality, we are all part of the same whole. You can serve by bringing love and presence to every interaction you have. Share the energy that is love, it is contagious. We are powerful beyond measure.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” –Marianne Williamson

Look at what the act of surrender has already brought your way! The response time of the universe is instant. Ask and it is immediately given to you. The job you have is to get into alignment with your true self in order to see and receive what you ask.

empowering others

The first day we opened the people were asking for lunch, so we quickly put together a lunch menu and went with it. In 2005 when we expanded to take the spot next door, doubling our size, we voted at the dinner table on what to serve and landed on Mexican food. In 2006 when I went on a much needed first vacation in 7 years with the kids to visit my family is Spain, James was inspired to fill our often empty morning restaurant by serving breakfast. The evolution of our brand has been such that we have really outgrown our original location, but are still making it work. We have added equipment and reconfigured multiple times, working to find the best way to serve the guests that line up for our food, but there remain limitations.

We have 2 order stations, with the cooks flipping omelettes right behind the cashiers. We train our managers and supervisors to always check in with the lead chef on duty before opening the second order station. This is how we empower our people to make the decisions that affect them and our business on a daily basis. It would be easy for a manager or boss to say, “Well, I am the boss, I know what needs to be done, do it and thats that.” and in my earlier leadership journey that was me, but luckily I quickly learned that this approach is not well received by any except the non thinkers. This may be needed in some situations, like when safety is an issue, but if you are in the business of growing people and attracting self starters (which is the best way to grow your business) this is a method to eliminate from your diet.

It used to drive my daughter crazy when she would hear me say “Hey honey, would it be okay with you if I went shopping with my sister this Thursday night?” She would get upset with me, “Why are you asking his permission?! Be strong! Do what you want!” she would say. I would explain to her that I was not asking permission, but being courteous and giving him the respect he had earned and deserved as my partner in parenting, work, and life. This would fall on deaf ears with her because of where she was in her life and growth. I share this example with my leaders to help them understand the power of humility and empathy when working with your team.

As my daughter is navigating relationships now as an adult, the early lessons that she rejected come back as valuable tools she can use to help understand the different perspectives and world views of the people she is working and growing with. Empowering others is one of the biggest gifts you can give. With your kids, your employees, your spouse, coming to each interaction with sincerity and a true openness to their point of view is the most important leadership skill you can develop.

success

"The essence of leadership is being aware of your fear (and seeing it in the people you wish to lead). No, it won't go away, but awareness is the key to making progress." - Seth Godin

If you are successful at something you can be successful at anything. What defines success is different for everyone, but the mindset we have when we are successful at anything can be carbon copied and lead us to success in any area we focus on.

The world has no shortage of ideas, even great ideas, but what makes one a success and others destined to stay in the nowhere zone of our minds or conversational fodder? Fear is the big inhibitor. It is a hard wired state of being that we all have. Don't get me wrong, fear has its purpose, it is part of our survival instinct, it keeps us from walking up to a saber toothed tiger to offer him a treat, and from nearing the edge of the cliff where one misstep could take us tumbling to our demise. But most of us are very blessed to live in a place where we don't have to worry about our very survival on a daily basis, though the media would tell us differently. That's (media) a whole other topic that I'll save for another day.

The somewhat crazy sector of us that are taking action and achieving successes are not immune to fear. We are just convinced that our ideas are worth facing the fear for. We are moving forward with the end in mind. We know that we are pushing our comfort zone, and we embrace it. We know that we have a product or service or story that will fill a need or help people. I used to say that failure was not an option, but a wise mentor of mine recently said "If failure is not an option, then neither is success"

This shed another layer of understanding for me on fear, failure, and success. Moving forward in the direction of our dreams does not mean having blind confidence that you will succeed, it means feeling the fear, knowing that you don't have all the answers, and taking the step anyway. Here's how in 3 simple steps.

-Step 1 Feel the fear, but attach a different meaning to it. I love acronyms because they are anchors for me and bring me back to what I know.
FEAR- False Evidence Appearing Real
FEAR- Feeling Excited And Ready
Step 2 Failure - know that this is a possibility but only if you fail to learn from it, make adjustments, and keep moving forward
Step 3 Take Action

What are the thoughts processes that go through your mind when you are successful?
Are you in the zone or in flow?
Did you have a strong idea of what success was going to look like in your mind?
Is success tied to what other people think of you?
Can you acknowledge the perceived failures you have experienced as stepping stones along the road to success?

try

Try is a word that we don’t use in our family. We have associated the word try with failure to do. The old Yoda adage “Do or do not, there is no try.” I was explaining this thought process to one of my managers today, and was looking for a way to explain to him what I was talking about , because it is a mindset. A way of framing your thoughts so that you are no longer trying, but doing. You are always doing, as a matter of fact. When you call it trying it is just that you have not risen to the level you are able to, or shooting for.

For example, I can say or think I am trying to be a good mother, and there are few who would argue that statement. Instead, I think I am a good mother. I am not perfect, but I always do my best to show my kids I love them and giving them the freedom to be who they want to be.

I am trying to be a better leader becomes I am a great leader. There are many things that make me so, the evidence of it is in the amazing caliber of people that are working in our company. I know that I have strengths, which I am constantly focusing on improving, and weaknesses. I surround myself with people who are strong in areas that I am not. I don’t have to be everything and see everything. This is why I have a team.

I am so grateful that in my love I have found the perfect complement to me. He is a great leader who naturally connects and who has immense vision and forethought.