Category: leadership

more problems

How much of your energy aka thoughts aka time is spent trying to solve tomorrow’s problems? It is a losing battle to work from today to solve issues that could come up in the future. In a meeting with one of the people in my inner circle yesterday he shared with me how he was learning that things he thought would be hard were more often showing up as easy, and that what he thought would go smoothly would surprise him time and time again by being hard. We can plan and strategize and forecast endlessly, and yet it is impossible to solve tomorrow’s problems from today. Granted, as a leader your job is to see more and to see before, to look around the corner and anticipate what is coming in order to lead your team successfully. That’s not what I am talking about. I am talking about the thing we call worry. Achievers call it stress. It is the energy/time/thoughts we use up thinking about all the things that are not in our control.

The What Ifs. My son Nick’s third grade teacher is always quoted in our family for calling out “That is a what if question”. In other words, it hasn’t happened. You can create all kinds of scenarios in your mind with lots of juicy things that could happen and may happen and holy shit what if that happens. But the only way to deal with the inevitable sideswipes that come our way is in the moment. The work you invest on a daily basis on yourself and with the people you work with and with your family especially your kids, and again, ON YOURSELF, is what will give you the tools to solve the problems that will always arise as long as you are alive. Problems are inevitable. Trade not having enough customers for not having enough product to sell. Trade not having enough time with someone you are dating to figuring out how to co-habitate once you are living together. The secret is to see that every problem presents an opportunity. An opportunity to solve it and grow and trade it for a better quality problem.

more time

“What is important is seldom urgent and what is urgent is seldom important.” Dwight Eisenhower

Time. We all just have 24 hours in a day, yet why do people say they don’t have enough? It’s the most common excuse I hear, “I didn’t have enough time”. How is it that some people are able to accomplish so much more in their 24 hours than others?

When you are spending your time on what is important, instead of the urgent things that clamor so noisily for our attention, you get more time. Not more time exactly, but more time in the zone where it matters. It’s important to show your partner you love them daily through your words and actions, or you will have an urgent problem when you grow apart. Its important to pay your taxes, or you will definitely have an urgent issue when the Fed catches up with you. If you spend the time connecting with your team, working side by side and sharing and learning about who they are, when it’s crazy busy and you need a helping hand they will be there for you.

It takes focus and a conscious intent to spend your time on the important things that will help build the foundation for handling the inevitable urgent things that life brings your way. In our organization we train our leaders that the MOST important job they have is to support and be there for their team. Of course there are duties and tasks and responsibilities that are important to running a successful business, you have to place your vendor orders, make schedules, respond to emails, talk to clients…BUT you will always be running from behind, putting out fires, if you fail to understand the most simple truth. People are what matter. Your team will help you sail, or they will sink you. The deciding factor is if you have made the time to support them and be there for them – get this – When it matters to them. Not when it is convenient for you.

it’s happening all around you

“In organization after organization, real leadership rarely comes from the CEO…it happens out of the corner of your eye, in a place you weren’t watching.” – Seth Godin

I didn’t even know what it was called at first, I just knew when we had someone who was able to take the reins and not just maintain what we had built, but make it better. There have been many helping hands along the road to our success, and each one has brought their own piece of the puzzle and lessons that we needed to learn. There are no shortcuts, although you can certainly read and study and go to seminars to learn how to be a better leader. The real leadership happens though, not from knowing HOW to lead, but from actually living it. You have got to be totally committed to the belief that your people matter to you. You have to love them. It happens when you see the members of your team, your tribe, helping each other out. Its happening right now if you take a look and notice the bonds that the people that work with you have created, and their willingness to work together to make the day better.

assumptions

Question every assumption you’ve made that makes you feel bad. Is this how I want to feel? What questions have I been asking myself that give me this feeling?

Ask yourself empowering questions- what, who, when, where…NOT how or why (path to the pity party, stops creativity) If you fall into the pity party, set a deadline for it to run.

80% of results in life are based on your psychology, 20% on the mechanics. You may not be good at something, but that is because you have not yet developed the skills to be good at it.

listening

Listen more and talk less. Ask questions, become curious. Don’t ask why-ask how, who, what, when…
Be present when listening instead of formulating your reply. Listen to the gaps between the words, what is unsaid or implied.
When asked for advice, trust that the answer is inside them, and ask open questions that will help make them aware of their own answer.
Remember this.

leaders are learners

“Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other.”- President John F. Kennedy

Leaders are learners. You must be continually focused on your own growth, and the growth of those you lead in order to truly be a great leader. The fundamental counterbalance for the learning is teaching, and this is where what we are learning really sinks in.

When I share what I am learning with my people, I begin to see the impact it has on them and the way they interpret it. As we filter the lessons through our own interpretations and pass them along, the lessons get ingrained in our subconscious. It is so exciting to see someone light up as they gain a new awareness of something inside themselves that rings true. The feeling we get when we learn something new that just sounds right. For me, learning looks like this- I hear or read or discover something, and it resonates with what I already know. Or maybe it is some new way of looking at an issue that I never even thought of before, and as I take in the learning, it goes into a spot inside me, kind of a holding place. There it waits for the double verification from life situations that prove it true.

Sometimes what I have learned will come to me at the perfect time when I am coaching someone I am leading. This inspiration is truly magical. I love it when what I am learning shows up to me in real life situations. I remember distinctly one lesson that showed up in a painful way. I was reading about the importance of connection and touching a heart before asking for a hand. This is usually my instinctual way of being, I love people and appreciate them for what they contribute to not only my organization but to the world we live in. But I am far from perfect, and obviously still learning.

I was making a quick visit to one of my locations, and as I walked up to the building my eyes touched on the tables that had not been set up, even though we were 5 hours into the shift. I entered the restaurant and noticed several tables that had not been cleared, and one table with 2 guests that immediately flagged me over. I approached the table, and greeted the couple who were regulars at one of my other locations. They were quick to provide me with feedback about their visit. They brought to my attention the dirty tables and their perception of the lack of urgency in the service. I am always grateful for feedback, even when it is constructive. I thanked them and assured them I would be addressing their concerns and providing training to my team.

So far so good. Then it went south. I went to the office and my first words to the supervisor on duty went like this, “Hi Susie, those guests just complained to me that there were dirty tables for the entire time they were sitting here and that there was no sense of urgency from the staff to clean and service the dining room. Also the tables outside are not set up, and it is already 11 am. The tables need to be set up at opening.” Whew. That was the first domino. I did a quick walk through and settled myself in the office to catch up on some paperwork.

About 10 minutes later one of my team members came up and asked me if they could speak to me. I welcomed him in to the office and shut the door. “Hey Denica, I just wanted to say that I have always tried to be open to all the managers I work for, and I have had some difficult ones for sure. But I am really having a hard time with the supervisor on duty today. She just came up to me and said, ‘You need to keep the dining room clean.’ I explained to her that I had been very busy taking care of the guests, and that I was doing my best to keep the tables cleared. Her reply to me was, ‘Well, its not good enough, you just need to work harder.’ I really don’t appreciate her way of telling me, when I make it my priority always to give the best service possible to the guest.”

This was the immediate lesson to me in real time about the importance of connecting first. The negativity that was my first interaction with Susie swiftly got passed along the chain. Sometimes the real life examples of what we are learning are not pleasurable, but they are reminders nonetheless. I shared this lesson with Susie once I realized it, and apologized for my approach with her. When we learn the lesson, share it, the value you give to the people you are sharing it with is exceeded only by the value of learning what you teach.

motivation and resistance

When I was a runner, I realized that motivation was not something that you waited for. It is created by just doing it. Motivation comes when you want the payoff no matter what the work involved. There were countless times when the last thing I wanted to do was lace up my running shoes and head out the door. The only way I was able to continue on my training course was to close off the part of my mind that was telling me I don’t feel like running today, its too hot, I’m tired, I can skip a day… and just do it. This is easier sometimes than others, it helps to remember how great it feels after you are done.

Your inner saboteur can talk you into or out of anything. The voice in your head never goes away. As human beings we have a will that is stronger than the doubting fearful self that usually runs the show. How many times have you had an idea that was so inspired, you were excited and it felt right? what happens when you don’t act on it? For me it fizzles and dies due to lack of momentum. Maybe in your excitement you share it with someone, even someone who you trust and that loves you and cares about you. You forget the fact that everyone has their own independent world view, needs, and priorities. Maybe in their love for you, they project their own fears and give you all the reasons why you should not do something- they are well-meaning nay-sayers. Since they care about you, they don’t want to see you fail or get hurt. They can’t imagine a worse fate than failure.

We are creatures of unlimited potential for growth. Our lives, failures, and successes up until this point have perfectly prepared us for what we are currently experiencing in our lives. The challenges will come no matter what we do to create a perfect world for ourselves. It is up to us to look at each situation that makes us uncomfortable, scared, stressed, nervous, bored, angry, anxious or sad as opportunities to learn and grow.

The emotions that we identify as negative can only be defeated by love and acceptance. If you resist the negative emotion, you are feeding it more negative energy, which will take you deeper into the emotion!

When I feel what I perceive as a negative emotion, I have learned to embrace and welcome them. Feelings like uncomfortable and scared. These to my are messages that something new and unpredictable is coming my way. Something I have not done before, or that entails stepping outside of the self imposed boundaries of my comfort zone. These feelings come up for me when I need to deal with difficult people, people I perceive as being more successful than I am, when it comes to spending money, launching new business ventures, and more.

Stressed or bored are two sides of the same coin for me. I have come to realize that my life flows in a series of waves of these two emotions, with (longer) periods of flow in between. When I am stressed, it usually happens because I have a lot of projects or goals on my plate, and have not yet figured out how to get the help I need. Bored can happen when all the work I have done to make the stress disappear is successful, and the lack of stimulation can cause me to think “boredom”. I don’t fall into the boredom trap as much as I did in the past because I know that I have the ultimate power over my emotions. I can look at a quiet day as relaxing, I can add variety to my life in so many different ways if I truly need it. I can reach out to a friend and offer my listening ear. I can be grateful. I can get out there and move.

The most important thing for me to remember is that emotions are transient. They come and they go, just like leaves blowing in the wind, or clouds in the sky. If you grab onto them, they act like sticky sap, and attract more of the same. One constant in this life is change. When things are great, they will change; when things are bad, they will change. When we attach ourselves to things being a specific way in order for us to be happy, we are setting up for pain.

Find the place in yourself where you are real love and joy. This is your true state. You are perfect just the way you are. Love yourself first, and the love and patience you can give will multiply. That is the secret to a joyful life.

“I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.”― Mother Teresa

management and leadership

Often these two words are used interchangeably, but in reality they are two different philosophies. Managers have employees, leaders have followers. Managers are in charge of developing and enforcing systems and processes, leaders are in charge of creating connection and vision. This is not only true in business, but also even more importantly in families. If you have kids, you are either managing them or leading them. Parenting in my opinion is the most important job we are entrusted with. We have been given young humans to love, keep safe, guide and lead to adulthood, so they can carry on and do the same with their children, or the people in their lives. When they are little managing is the mindset, you need to tell them what to do and where to go. You need to keep them away from the hot stove, and probably help them with their shoes so they are on the right feet. But there comes a time when you need to shift to leading. Telling them what to do doesn’t work once they reach that point where they realize they have a choice. When will that point be? You’ll know. You will face resistance. Your sweet little boy or girl will suddenly transform into a different being right before your eyes.

I remember vividly the moment this happened with one of my sons. He was always a super cooperative little guy, always ready to do whatever we asked and to help out with chores. He was 13 and we were at our cabin, and our dog needed to go out. We said “Hey son, we need you to take Buddy for a walk”, and he ignored us. We let this slide because hey, this kid always did as we asked. After some time went by and he still had not taken the dog, we told him again, “Son, Buddy needs to go-“. Suddenly a new person took the place of our cooperative young son. He stood up and said “I don’t want to. Why can’t someone else do it?” What ensued was a rising of tempers and escalating voices until finally we took the higher ground and let him slide. This was the moment of transition, the point when we needed to change our approach and stop managing him and start leading him. How do you know when that will happen? You’ll know. This means asking instead of telling when we need help. This is when to trust foundation you have laid while they were younger to stand firm as they venture into young adulthood.

Managers are maintainers, leaders are builders. What steps are you making in your life to be a leader?

the hard question

When someone first comes on board, it is vital to spend the time to show them what the culture is. Use all of the resources you have to train them and bring them up to speed as soon as possible. But how long should it take? At what point to you begin to ask the question- Is this person trainable? There is no cookie-cutter answer to this, as everyone has a unique learning style. Plus, there is the added truth that the training never stops and you can’t stop even when they are already in the mix, performing independently.

Answering the question “is this person trainable” ultimately depends on the position they are in, as well as their track record of retaining and implementing the tools you give them to succeed. AND most importantly, their attitude.
Ask yourself these questions-
Have I spent the time with them to create a relationship of trust?
Have they bought in to me as their leader- will they do as I ask and need them to do?
Do they bring a positive attitude to the workplace?
Will they help their team members out when needed?
Do they show respect to the leader and to their team?
Are they making visible improvements in their performance?
Do they follow through consistently on the things that are important as opposed to urgent?

If the answers to any of these questions is “NO”, there is a problem. It starts with the leader- did you make sure they got the training and support required? But there is a limit to what a leader can do, essentially it comes down to the team member himself. He may not be a good fit despite your best efforts to on-board or rehabilitate him. The amount of time it takes to reach this realization will vary according to the level of experience of the leader and the team member, as well as the skill level required for the job. You should be able to make the call pretty quickly if your high-dollar bookkeeper doesn’t know the difference between a credit and a debit, for example, but may be more lenient with someone who has never had a job before.

It is never easy to transition someone off the team, especially in this current climate here in California. Everyone is hiring and so many business leaders I meet with share the challenge of finding and retaining quality people. Be that as it may, it will always cause more damage than good to keep someone on the team who is not on-board with the culture of the company.

Take a look at your team, acknowledge the blessing of the great individuals who are the core and are propelling and building your brand.
Look at yourself and ask the question- Am I focused on constantly improving, adding value to the people I lead, and becoming a greater leader?
And finally, ask yourself- Who do I need to transition off the team?

crazy is good

Marketing and innovation- the two words that are ingrained in my brain as the keys to continued business growth. We are always innovating, looking for the magic combination of services that will give our brand the perfect storm of success in our business. There are many more failed experiments than successful ones, but thank God we tried them otherwise I don’t believe we would find the ones that work. The ice cream machine was a definite fail. We thought it would be a hit when we added the soft serve machine to the Dublin location back in 2005. We had extended our hours and were open for dinner, but only until 8. We could not even give the ice cream away for free, let alone sell it, and the process of maintaining and cleaning the machine took over 90 minutes a day, something the salesman neglected telling us when we bought it. Not counting the fact that James and I both gained a considerable number of pounds after indulging in the all you can eat free ice cream that was suddenly at our disposal!

Those early days of being open for dinner in Dublin were also a fail, since we had not been ready to go all in and open late. We closed at 8 pm and didn’t have enought foresight to hire a manager despite the advice from our mentors. James was spread super thin, both opening the restaurant at 2:30 am as the baker and running the dinner shift until 9 pm at night. I was home with our young family and this was a super challenging time for us. It took us over 2 years to make the difficult decision to close the dinner service and go back to our model of breakfast-lunch.

Why was it so hard to make the business decisions of knowing when to change? For us it was tied up with our ego and not wanting to quit. I think any successful business leader would agree that you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to succeed. That can get twisted up when you have to make a decision to kill a project, it definitely did with us. Our financials didn’t lie, the extended hours were costing us more money than they were bringing in. Add to that the additional stress on our family since Dad was always coming and going to work and was tired as all heck. We wrangled for over a year whether to close for dinner, and when we finally made the call it was a sad day for both of us. It took just a short time for us to feel the relief of the added costs and stress that the dinner hours had caused on our family and to acknowledge that it was the right decision.

Why did it take us so long to make the call? Why did a giant like Kodak fail to make the innovations that could have ensured their continued success? Why did Blockbuster fall from the top? Ego and complacency. You have got to get your ego out of the way and look at not only the hard facts, but your intuition. Listen to new voices and be willing to try something new as well as to pull the plug on something that isn’t working. Never rest on your laurels, past performance does not automatically guarantee your future success. No one will argue that we live in a fast paced, rapidly changing world. You have to keep innovating and evolving your business and your leadership, or you will be left in the dust with the fallen giants. Being a leader means making the hard decisions, and also always looking for new voices and opportunities to add more value to your clients and the people you lead. Embrace change, and celebrate new ideas, even if they sound crazy. Change is made by the crazy ones, not the sheep. Crazy is good!