Going from thinking I am doing it all myself
to not wanting to lead
to realizing I must lead
to wanting to lead
Wanting a different result
Change me instead of changing what is outside of me
This changes my reality
This changes the trajectory
Build and empower people
That feeling of dread when a lead cook and prep cook walk out on the same day, a Friday before a busy weekend. One is a keyholder, which presents it’s own challenges as we have to get the locksmith out to re-key and ensure that all openers have access for the next day. I have a firefighter mindset still, obviously, because my first thought was “I’ll go in and cook myself”
Lucky for me my husband James is a natural leader and operates at a higher level of leadership in these areas than I do. His first question is always “Who can I have help me with this?” This is and example of a strong sense of intuition. James instinctively knows that all of us are smarter than one of us. If I were to peek into his mind the questions he is asking are most likely:
Who is the best person to take this on?
What other options are there?
Who can we transfer from another store to fill in for the weekend?
James shows his ability to see more before and reminded me that we have resources at our other locations, and we called out kitchen manager from another location out for support. The mindset of “we don’t have enough people” can be changed to a question- or multiple questions. Who can help me? What am I missing? How can I best support my team?
I work on expanding my mind and using my creativity to find the answer(s) to the problem at hand. I know that leadership is a process, and that every shift even slightly in direction may not have immediate results, but if you take the trajectory of that shift out over time, you will end up in a totally different universe.
One week into my shoulder injury pain and I realize there is a lesson for me, many in fact.
The first one is that life takes time. You can’t rush certain things, healing most especially. More deeply I realize that by fighting the pain, either through painkillers or my psychology, just makes the pain worse and doesn’t get rid of the issue. I need to continue to give love to my body, to take care of it and to stop judging what I perceive are my imperfections.
For our time here right now we are given one body. If we give it love not judgment, and fuel it well, it will continue to operate at prime performance for us. If there is a part of your body you have not given love to, start now. Love your long toes, they are on the feet that so efficiently get you from here to where you want to go. Love your hands, they let you write and cook and caress and hold hands. Love your crooked teeth, they work just fine to bite into a juicy, sweet apricot.
Hold yourself kindly and lovingly. Forgive yourself for the fear that has sometimes controlled your actions. Know that you have always done the best you can do at the moment. It is only in retrospect that we judge our own actions. Stop Now.
I learn about love and devotion every day from my dog Lucky. He waits for me for me to wake up and let him out every morning, and if I stay in bed later than 6:10 he talks to me and lets me know through a quiet squeak that its time.
He is eternally present, and never holds a grudge. He is always happy to see me, even if I just went to the mailbox. He perches under my desk on his fluffy pillow, curled up in a ball if his hair is short, and guards me against any intruders.
He doesn’t speak in words, but somehow I understand when he wants me to pet him and scratch his ears. He is alert and present and open to follow my every mood. If I go to the other room he follows, if I sit on the couch he is on my shoulder, and if I sit long enough he will kiss my ear. He greets me with unbridled joy and love if I leave and return.
I was not prepared to remember this acronym days later, but I have to say, it really stuck. It reminds me about the inner saboteur that lives in my head. I haven’t listened to her droning nagging in a long time. I think I was lulled into thinking that she was gone for good!
She occasionally will still pipe in, but her voice is weaker and is usually just an irritating annoyance. Actually it really makes me curious when that self doubt starts chiming in, what is she so afraid of anyway?
Just when I have things figured out and am rolling forward on an important vision, up comes the fear just like acid reflux. Sometimes its really obvious, like “What makes you think you can do that? Look at her, she is way more together than you, and she’s still trying to figure it out.”, or “You’ve just been lucky.” and “You’re not as good as people think you are” But as she gets ignored, she has become sneakier and more subtle in her strategy. She tries to convince me that I didn’t want to anyway. Yup, straight works to talk me out of whatever goal or vision or dream that I am pursuing so hotly. “You don’t want to really do that anyway, its too hard! Life is good, be present, forget striving” All great advice, but the intent behind it when coming from the saboteur is pure doubt and fear.
So I’m at this function, and the speaker has some good messages, but I am so distracted analyzing her delivery and wondering why she is not telling more personal stories, that I almost missed this jewel of wisdom. She told a story of a professor she had that was a very confident, well dressed and successful woman who seemed to always have it together. As she graduated college, she asked the professor for a few words of advice. “Professor, what advice do you have for me that can help to set me apart as I enter the work force?” The professor looked at her and said, “My only advice is always remember your ABC’s” She looked at the professor blankly, who then elaborated, “Always Be Confident. In all of your interactions remember to always be confident. That is the key to set you apart and ensure your success in life.”
As I drive home from the event, I am getting lured into the venus trap of doubt. The new vision that is percolating in my heart and mind is getting pelted with negativity and distrust. Suddenly, ABC pops into my consciousness. Always Be Confident- and the cloud lifts.
Remember the big picture and not to get caught up in the little fires that go on every day. As a leader it is vital to look above and see the big picture to remember to be grateful and connect with people at the deepest level possible for you and help people grow. Believe in the infinite potential of those you meet and know. Help them to believe that about themselves too. We are in the people business helping to grow people. We are leaders leading leaders.
I trust in people's potential and sow the seeds in soil to sprout. I continue to coach and learn with my team. I am open to whatever else is brought my way, I will actively seek out situations where I can be of service to others and that will help me to live and grow as a leader.
When I found out I was expecting a son, my second child, I was so happy. I already had a beautiful daughter who was 4 years old, smart independent, joyful and really an easy child. I spent the months before he was due preparing his room and our family to welcome what I thought was going to be another easy step in the path of my life. I thoroughly enjoyed being pregnant with him, buying cute maternity clothes and using the excuse that I was eating for 2 to indulge in hot fudge sundaes on a semi frequent basis! As the date he would arrive neared, the whole family was brimming with excitement to be welcoming a boy into the fold, the first grandson for both sides of our family.
On a Friday in April we were so excited to be heading to the hospital to welcome our little boy. The delivery went smoothly and soon we had a beautiful baby boy in our arms. That evening the nurses took him to the nursery to give me some much needed rest. Around 5 am the doctor came into my room with some frightening news. I listened in shock as he told me that my new baby boy had stopped breathing during the night, and that the nurses had resuscitated him. He was on a heart and breathing monitor but they were going to transfer him to Children’s Hospital for further testing and observation. I could not even process what they were telling me, his voice seemed to be coming from far away, and I thought he was playing some kind of twisted joke that I didn’t get.
Baby Noah was transferred to neonatal ICU and stayed there for 3 week, during which he had to undergo a series of tests only to find nothing physically wrong with him. They sent us home with him attached to an oxygen monitor that he needed to wear 24 hours a day, and would give of a shrill alarm if he stopped breathing again. Thankfully he never experienced another episode, but as he got older, he was failing to reach the milestones that are considered normal. He was an unhappy baby, crying and screaming to the point of exhaustion, and did not learn to walk until he was almost 2 years old. Although we saw specialists after specialist, no one was ever able to come up with a reason why he was developmentally delayed.
When he was 3 he was assessed for services by the school district, and I received the news I had been in denial about until then. According to his IQ testing, he was categorized as having a severe intellectual disability, which to me was a harsh reality that my little boy would never “catch up”. The next several years were some of the most challenging in my life. I was angry and upset that he was not progressing at the same rate as my other children, and I couldn’t understand why he would fight me on every front. His tantrums every morning as I rushed to get everyone ready and off to school had me more often than not in tears. I was mad that this was the hand that was dealt to me. I was resentful because I thought he would never get to be happy and experience life as I had hoped for him.
When he was about 10 an angel gave me a poem that changed my life.
I remember the daily struggle to get him to do things that I thought he should be doing such as getting himself dressed, or putting on his own shoes. I was so angry that he would not cooperate, and the more I pushed the more he resisted. It was like on some deeper level he knew that I was resisting him as a perfect human being. I resented that he needed more help, and I was angry with God for giving me such a difficult challenge. I can clearly remember the turning point in my life and my relationship with my son. I wish I could remember who it was that shared this piece of life saving poetry with me, but I cannot. I guess it doesn’t really matter who gave it to me because it came as divine intervention at the right time for me to hear the message and change my outlook.
It gave me such a timely insight into accepting the alternate reality that was my relationship with this special being. Once I began to look at Noah as just different, not better or worse, it opened the door to truly seeing that he is a gift. Not only did I gain new eyes, but with these accepting eyes he has blossomed right before my eyes. He is here to remind me what life is really about, joy, love, happiness and acceptance of all that comes my way. I am constantly learning from him he is pure love. The only thing inside him is love, purity and innocence, like a child. Acceptance of the variations of life in their perfect way, teaching me to love.
Recently I had a call to wake up. Our dear friend Craig was fighting for his life, and was losing a leg after a tragic work accident, which left me dazed and wondering what to do. It is another message to me that we never know when things will change, and change they will. It can be as drastic as death, like we have experienced with too many people close to us, and as painful as what Craig is dealing with. Live every day truly as if it is your only day.
Live with integrity
Live in love
Tell people you appreciate them
Be genuine
Be kind
Give love freely
Don’t judge
Accept everything in your life as if you had requested it to be there
Know that you are the creator of your life, and the reality you live in
Everything that is in my life right now is a result of a dream, a vision, a desire. Imagine your life as you want it to be, and let go of the tyranny of time. Stop trying to control things
Let Go
"When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn't get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don't get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying 'You are too this, or I'm too this.' That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are." - Ram Dass
Our family was rocked with a reminder of the fragility of life in 2016 when my sister was diagnosed at 45 with breast cancer. In an act of solidarity with her as she was scared of the hair that was beginning to fall out due to her treatments, I decided to shave my head.
This seemed like such a simple thing to do for her, that I hoped would show my never ending support and belief in her, but it came with a whole lot of growth challenges for me.
With my head shaved bald as a cue ball, and as it started growing back with a strong dominance of gray, I started questioning my beauty. I didn't think I was a vain woman, but this experience showed me that vanity was hidden there behind my humility. This was tough to look at. It made me look closely at other things about myself that I was hiding from. It really made me look at what beauty is, and to redefine it for myself at my innermost core. Now there is beauty for me everywhere, and I see it in everyone. I see it even in people who seem mean and spiteful, because I know that their behaviors are masking deep pain and fear. I see now that true beauty is really from the soul.
Beauty is in kindness. It is in love, it is in laughter, it is in human touch. Society and marketing attempt to tell us what beauty is, much of what we see in the media is targeted at showing us that we are less than. It is rare to see a message that you are perfect the way you are, yet that is exactly true.
I am very blessed to have a husband and partner who has seen the beauty within me, and never stops reminding me of it through his words, touch, and love. I know that loving myself would be a lot more difficult if he had not always believed in my even when I did not. I feel so liberated now, believing in myself and in my innate goodness, I want to share this peace and joy and continue to inspire others to dream and see their own perfection and beauty.
Realize the connection between you and them. There is no duality, we are all part of the same whole. You can serve by bringing love and presence to every interaction you have. Share the energy that is love, it is contagious. We are powerful beyond measure.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” –Marianne Williamson
Look at what the act of surrender has already brought your way! The response time of the universe is instant. Ask and it is immediately given to you. The job you have is to get into alignment with your true self in order to see and receive what you ask.