Author: Denica Freitas

devotion

I learn about love and devotion every day from my dog Lucky. He waits for me for me to wake up and let him out every morning, and if I stay in bed later than 6:10 he talks to me and lets me know through a quiet squeak that its time.

He is eternally present, and never holds a grudge. He is always happy to see me, even if I just went to the mailbox. He perches under my desk on his fluffy pillow, curled up in a ball if his hair is short, and guards me against any intruders.

He doesn’t speak in words, but somehow I understand when he wants me to pet him and scratch his ears. He is alert and present and open to follow my every mood. If I go to the other room he follows, if I sit on the couch he is on my shoulder, and if I sit long enough he will kiss my ear. He greets me with unbridled joy and love if I leave and return.

abc’s

I was not prepared to remember this acronym days later, but I have to say, it really stuck. It reminds me about the inner saboteur that lives in my head. I haven’t listened to her droning nagging in a long time. I think I was lulled into thinking that she was gone for good!

She occasionally will still pipe in, but her voice is weaker and is usually just an irritating annoyance. Actually it really makes me curious when that self doubt starts chiming in, what is she so afraid of anyway?

Just when I have things figured out and am rolling forward on an important vision, up comes the fear just like acid reflux. Sometimes its really obvious, like “What makes you think you can do that? Look at her, she is way more together than you, and she’s still trying to figure it out.”, or “You’ve just been lucky.” and “You’re not as good as people think you are” But as she gets ignored, she has become sneakier and more subtle in her strategy. She tries to convince me that I didn’t want to anyway. Yup, straight works to talk me out of whatever goal or vision or dream that I am pursuing so hotly. “You don’t want to really do that anyway, its too hard! Life is good, be present, forget striving” All great advice, but the intent behind it when coming from the saboteur is pure doubt and fear.

So I’m at this function, and the speaker has some good messages, but I am so distracted analyzing her delivery and wondering why she is not telling more personal stories, that I almost missed this jewel of wisdom. She told a story of a professor she had that was a very confident, well dressed and successful woman who seemed to always have it together. As she graduated college, she asked the professor for a few words of advice. “Professor, what advice do you have for me that can help to set me apart as I enter the work force?” The professor looked at her and said, “My only advice is always remember your ABC’s” She looked at the professor blankly, who then elaborated, “Always Be Confident. In all of your interactions remember to always be confident. That is the key to set you apart and ensure your success in life.”

As I drive home from the event, I am getting lured into the venus trap of doubt. The new vision that is percolating in my heart and mind is getting pelted with negativity and distrust. Suddenly, ABC pops into my consciousness. Always Be Confident- and the cloud lifts.

the big picture

Remember the big picture and not to get caught up in the little fires that go on every day. As a leader it is vital to look above and see the big picture to remember to be grateful and connect with people at the deepest level possible for you and help people grow. Believe in the infinite potential of those you meet and know. Help them to believe that about themselves too. We are in the people business helping to grow people. We are leaders leading leaders.

I trust in people's potential and sow the seeds in soil to sprout. I continue to coach and learn with my team. I am open to whatever else is brought my way, I will actively seek out situations where I can be of service to others and that will help me to live and grow as a leader.

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. "-Henry David Thoreau

acceptance

When I found out I was expecting a son, my second child, I was so happy. I already had a beautiful daughter who was 4 years old, smart independent, joyful and really an easy child. I spent the months before he was due preparing his room and our family to welcome what I thought was going to be another easy step in the path of my life. I thoroughly enjoyed being pregnant with him, buying cute maternity clothes and using the excuse that I was eating for 2 to indulge in hot fudge sundaes on a semi frequent basis! As the date he would arrive neared, the whole family was brimming with excitement to be welcoming a boy into the fold, the first grandson for both sides of our family.

On a Friday in April we were so excited to be heading to the hospital to welcome our little boy. The delivery went smoothly and soon we had a beautiful baby boy in our arms. That evening the nurses took him to the nursery to give me some much needed rest. Around 5 am the doctor came into my room with some frightening news. I listened in shock as he told me that my new baby boy had stopped breathing during the night, and that the nurses had resuscitated him. He was on a heart and breathing monitor but they were going to transfer him to Children’s Hospital for further testing and observation. I could not even process what they were telling me, his voice seemed to be coming from far away, and I thought he was playing some kind of twisted joke that I didn’t get.

Baby Noah was transferred to neonatal ICU and stayed there for 3 week, during which he had to undergo a series of tests only to find nothing physically wrong with him. They sent us home with him attached to an oxygen monitor that he needed to wear 24 hours a day, and would give of a shrill alarm if he stopped breathing again. Thankfully he never experienced another episode, but as he got older, he was failing to reach the milestones that are considered normal. He was an unhappy baby, crying and screaming to the point of exhaustion, and did not learn to walk until he was almost 2 years old. Although we saw specialists after specialist, no one was ever able to come up with a reason why he was developmentally delayed.

When he was 3 he was assessed for services by the school district, and I received the news I had been in denial about until then. According to his IQ testing, he was categorized as having a severe intellectual disability, which to me was a harsh reality that my little boy would never “catch up”. The next several years were some of the most challenging in my life. I was angry and upset that he was not progressing at the same rate as my other children, and I couldn’t understand why he would fight me on every front. His tantrums every morning as I rushed to get everyone ready and off to school had me more often than not in tears. I was mad that this was the hand that was dealt to me. I was resentful because I thought he would never get to be happy and experience life as I had hoped for him.

When he was about 10 an angel gave me a poem that changed my life.

I remember the daily struggle to get him to do things that I thought he should be doing such as getting himself dressed, or putting on his own shoes. I was so angry that he would not cooperate, and the more I pushed the more he resisted. It was like on some deeper level he knew that I was resisting him as a perfect human being. I resented that he needed more help, and I was angry with God for giving me such a difficult challenge. I can clearly remember the turning point in my life and my relationship with my son. I wish I could remember who it was that shared this piece of life saving poetry with me, but I cannot. I guess it doesn’t really matter who gave it to me because it came as divine intervention at the right time for me to hear the message and change my outlook.

It gave me such a timely insight into accepting the alternate reality that was my relationship with this special being. Once I began to look at Noah as just different, not better or worse, it opened the door to truly seeing that he is a gift. Not only did I gain new eyes, but with these accepting eyes he has blossomed right before my eyes. He is here to remind me what life is really about, joy, love, happiness and acceptance of all that comes my way. I am constantly learning from him he is pure love. The only thing inside him is love, purity and innocence, like a child. Acceptance of the variations of life in their perfect way, teaching me to love.

Welcome to Holland

wake up

Recently I had a call to wake up. Our dear friend Craig was fighting for his life, and was losing a leg after a tragic work accident, which left me dazed and wondering what to do. It is another message to me that we never know when things will change, and change they will. It can be as drastic as death, like we have experienced with too many people close to us, and as painful as what Craig is dealing with. Live every day truly as if it is your only day.
Live with integrity
Live in love
Tell people you appreciate them
Be genuine
Be kind
Give love freely
Don’t judge
Accept everything in your life as if you had requested it to be there
Know that you are the creator of your life, and the reality you live in

Everything that is in my life right now is a result of a dream, a vision, a desire. Imagine your life as you want it to be, and let go of the tyranny of time. Stop trying to control things

Let Go

what i learned when i shaved my head

"When you go out into the woods, and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and you allow it. You see why it is the way it is. You sort of understand that it didn't get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don't get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying 'You are too this, or I'm too this.' That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are." - Ram Dass

Our family was rocked with a reminder of the fragility of life in 2016 when my sister was diagnosed at 45 with breast cancer. In an act of solidarity with her as she was scared of the hair that was beginning to fall out due to her treatments, I decided to shave my head.

This seemed like such a simple thing to do for her, that I hoped would show my never ending support and belief in her, but it came with a whole lot of growth challenges for me.

With my head shaved bald as a cue ball, and as it started growing back with a strong dominance of gray, I started questioning my beauty. I didn't think I was a vain woman, but this experience showed me that vanity was hidden there behind my humility. This was tough to look at. It made me look closely at other things about myself that I was hiding from. It really made me look at what beauty is, and to redefine it for myself at my innermost core. Now there is beauty for me everywhere, and I see it in everyone. I see it even in people who seem mean and spiteful, because I know that their behaviors are masking deep pain and fear. I see now that true beauty is really from the soul.

Beauty is in kindness. It is in love, it is in laughter, it is in human touch. Society and marketing attempt to tell us what beauty is, much of what we see in the media is targeted at showing us that we are less than. It is rare to see a message that you are perfect the way you are, yet that is exactly true.

I am very blessed to have a husband and partner who has seen the beauty within me, and never stops reminding me of it through his words, touch, and love. I know that loving myself would be a lot more difficult if he had not always believed in my even when I did not. I feel so liberated now, believing in myself and in my innate goodness, I want to share this peace and joy and continue to inspire others to dream and see their own perfection and beauty.

servant heart

Realize the connection between you and them. There is no duality, we are all part of the same whole. You can serve by bringing love and presence to every interaction you have. Share the energy that is love, it is contagious. We are powerful beyond measure.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” –Marianne Williamson

Look at what the act of surrender has already brought your way! The response time of the universe is instant. Ask and it is immediately given to you. The job you have is to get into alignment with your true self in order to see and receive what you ask.

empowering others

The first day we opened the people were asking for lunch, so we quickly put together a lunch menu and went with it. In 2005 when we expanded to take the spot next door, doubling our size, we voted at the dinner table on what to serve and landed on Mexican food. In 2006 when I went on a much needed first vacation in 7 years with the kids to visit my family is Spain, James was inspired to fill our often empty morning restaurant by serving breakfast. The evolution of our brand has been such that we have really outgrown our original location, but are still making it work. We have added equipment and reconfigured multiple times, working to find the best way to serve the guests that line up for our food, but there remain limitations.

We have 2 order stations, with the cooks flipping omelettes right behind the cashiers. We train our managers and supervisors to always check in with the lead chef on duty before opening the second order station. This is how we empower our people to make the decisions that affect them and our business on a daily basis. It would be easy for a manager or boss to say, “Well, I am the boss, I know what needs to be done, do it and thats that.” and in my earlier leadership journey that was me, but luckily I quickly learned that this approach is not well received by any except the non thinkers. This may be needed in some situations, like when safety is an issue, but if you are in the business of growing people and attracting self starters (which is the best way to grow your business) this is a method to eliminate from your diet.

It used to drive my daughter crazy when she would hear me say “Hey honey, would it be okay with you if I went shopping with my sister this Thursday night?” She would get upset with me, “Why are you asking his permission?! Be strong! Do what you want!” she would say. I would explain to her that I was not asking permission, but being courteous and giving him the respect he had earned and deserved as my partner in parenting, work, and life. This would fall on deaf ears with her because of where she was in her life and growth. I share this example with my leaders to help them understand the power of humility and empathy when working with your team.

As my daughter is navigating relationships now as an adult, the early lessons that she rejected come back as valuable tools she can use to help understand the different perspectives and world views of the people she is working and growing with. Empowering others is one of the biggest gifts you can give. With your kids, your employees, your spouse, coming to each interaction with sincerity and a true openness to their point of view is the most important leadership skill you can develop.

letting go

What freedom to surrender and realize that God or the Universe has a plan fo rme that will unfold with or without my interference. It is one thing to know it but it has truly sunk in to my core. I continue to be challenged to let go, especially when it comes to my business and creating an attitude of abundance. I am learning to enjoy reaching the edge of my comfort zone, that sick pit of your gut feeling when something touches the thorn I have been working so hard all my life to protect.

If I can just sit back and notice the feeling, instead of grabbing onto it, it is one step closer to allowing it to pass through me. Emotions and feelings are fleeting. The only true one is love- unconditional love for all beings, the intense love I feel for my children, my love, my dogs, expand that to include all beings, the planet, the Universe. We are all one and the same, the illusion we believe is that we are separate, a dream is all this is- wake up and see the truth, that we are all energy, exchanging back and forth, breathing each other’s breath, experiencing joy and pain of the whole. Be the joy, there is a ripple effect that affects an infinity. You have enough, you will always have enough. Let go of fear – pray, meditate, sing, paint, dance, run…

My fear was that I don’t know how to run my business. My fear was that by letting go of the need to control everything I was not running my business. This is the ego trying to convince me that I, this little me, am in control. Let Go

desire

How much of my energy has been spent wanting something I do not have? This can be striving towards a goal or wanting something new, or even the craving for something sweet to eat after dinner. That feeling of desire for something other than what I have right now. It has served me well and is the source of most of my ambition and if I am totally truthful of my success in business as well. What I see now is that every desire, craving, goal, ambition, mountain I climb, I am searching for a feeling. All for the feeling that I get when I acquire it.

We are always in search of a feeling, in everything we do. It could be pride, satisfaction, satiety, accomplishment, gratitude, release, joy, delight...there are as many ways to describe what we feel as there are people on this planet! But what we feel after that fades is the LACK of desire. The feeling we are seeking can be achieved by simply making the decision to accept every moment as a divine working of the Universe, here to teach me and for me.

It's like jumping forward to the feeling of already having all we could ever dream or desire. Begin living from the place that you already have what you desire. Act as if...you are a great leader, you have an abundance of resources, you are a creative genius, a great listener, loving and loveable...Stop desiring and start allowing. Stop trying to figure everything out. Listen more and judge less. Accept and allow. Everything is already inside you, just like the oak tree that is already inside the acorn.